Heart of Madness
by Yarol
Summary: Hmm, I'm not good at summaries. Mostly seven years after the final episode, Nemesis decides to eliminate humanity once and for all.
1. I Love You I'll Kill You

Disclaimers: **_Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs_** belong to WEP. A name or two belong to Studio Perriot. The occasional original character belongs to me.

Yep, despite my qualms about FF.net, I'm putting this up here. Hopefully it will be the kick in the rear I need to break through the lingering remains of writer's block. Oh and yes, some parts are song-fics, however the lyrics can be ignored and the story will still make sense.

Feedback is always welcome!

Heart of Madness Prologue One:

_I Love You...I'll Kill You_

_(Note: This story takes place during the truce, after the truce is broken, and after the war is over. For some reason it just seemed right that General Whitehawk hire Trista Derringer as an assistant.)_   


'What have I done?' Trista groaned inwardly, even as she sighed almost contentedly, 'I can't believe I did this...I hate him. Good grief, is he purring?' 

She listened to the chest that her head rested on. 

'He _is_ purring,' Trista bit back a rising hysterical laugh and turned her face to hide it from her bedmate. 

"Hmm? Whas' funny?" a sleepy voice inquired. 

"Nothing, Jesse, nothing," she replied softly, "I've got to go now," Trista tried to unwrap the arms around her; they only tightened slightly. 

A pair of dark teal eyes, fuzzy with sleep, searched out the clock: 16:57. 

"Humph, we got 'nother hour, 'fore anyone notices anything. Stay," the smooth voice soothed, "u're warm." 

'As if I could resist. Oh gods, what have I done?' Trista let her mind drift back to two hours earlier. 

#^#^#^# 

_ I see love, I can see passion_   
_I feel danger, I feel obsession_

She had to escape from the dull, pounding murmur of the peace talks. As much as she wanted the truce to change into a permanent lasting peace, she felt like thousands of tiny scorpions were dancing over her skin just about to sting. And every time she caught sight of Jesse, Trista was certain her heart was going to stop just as surely if venom had entered her veins. She was thinking of asking General Whitehawk if she could return to Cavalry Command Central, but her rebuilt, albeit shaky, pride was not about to let just the sight of him drive her away. She was _over_ him. Completely over him. And she kept telling herself that. 

So far it was working. 

Besides, wasn't she in a good relationship now? Bob really loved her. There was not a trace of deceit in that man. 

'Which is why he's a Star Sheriff, and Jesse is most definitely not,' Trista thought immensely pleased, and slightly wistfully. She would give anything to have the hulking Sheriff here with her now. 

She walked through the maze like corridors of the secured conference center to the spot that had been dubbed smog haven by the various staff members that sought a quiet, secluded place to snatch a smoke. It was isolated, difficult to find, and above all had plenty of ventilation. 

She should have paid more attention to her surroundings. Instead she fumbled through her bag for her pack, and tapped one out, then fumbled through her bag again for her lighter. 

"Dammit!" she mumbled. 

"Here," a tiny blaze of flame appeared before her startled eyes. She leaned forward to touch her cigarette to the light, and inhaled deeply, her eyes closing slowly. 

"Thank you." 

"You're welcome...I wouldn't have thought you'd smoke though." 

**_That voice! _**Her eyes flew open to see the face she had worked so hard to rid from her dreams. 

"You!" 

"Yeah, me, Trista," Jesse was smiled before her, "When did you start?" 

"Start what?!?" 

"This?" he gestured to the cigarette in his own hand. 

"Oh, after _you_," She spat. 

"Ah," Jesse twisted to stand beside, or rather lean against the wall beside her, "you've been avoiding me. I'd be insulted, if it weren't so flattering," he smirked. 

"Can you blame me? And I can still count on my hands how many I've smoked. And what do you mean 'flattering'?" 

"Well, you've worked out your schedule to make sure you don't cross my path. You find the spot farthest away from me during the big showy let's play nice to the public meetings; I know you've wheedled your way with Whitehawk to excuse you from some of the more, ah, intimate meetings," Jesse listed, ticking off each point with his fingers, "It is flattering to know I still mean that much to you," he added with a nasty/sweet smile. 

Trista snorted and turned away from him. 

"I heard you're seeing Bob now; he was with me at the academy," Jesse continued, "He's a nice guy." 

"Yes, he is. Better than you too." 

"..." 

"What? No snide remarks that you're the best? The viewer of the 'Big Picture'?" Trista turned back, and found herself slightly amazed. Jesse was nodding in agreement, a completely honest look on his face. 

"What? Bob's a nice guy. He'll appreciate you," Jesse shrugged, "Granted the wheel still spins sometimes even though the hamster's long dead..." 

"Ah, now that sounds like you," Trista said as she leaned to ground the butt of her cigarette out in the sand filled pail someone had place in smog haven to act as a communal ashtray, "And now, if you'll excuse me, Ambassador Blue, I have to get back to the peace talks." She tried to walk past him. 

Jesse reached out to catch her arm, "Trista..." 

She turned on him furiously, "Let me go..." Her voice rose then fell abruptly. She felt pinned by the weight of his gaze. His eyes were filled with...something she couldn't quite define. Loneliness? Longing? Exhaustion? Fear? _Love?_

Had his eyes always been so beautiful? She wondered to herself as he drew her close. 

#^#^#^#

'And now what?' Trista panicked, 'If Bob ever...No, don't go down that road now.' 

She waited a moment listening again to Jesse's breathing. It had deepened and lengthened. She knew from past experience that meant he was asleep. She carefully unwrapped his arms from around her, and crawled from the bed. She quietly collected her clothing from the floor where they had been dropped in frantic moments earlier. She struggled into them, softly cursing when she just could not find the arm-hole for her sleeve. She cursed again when she heard fabric tearing, but she finally managed to get her arm through the sleeve. 

'I need to take a shower.' 

Trista looked cautiously down each side of the hallway before she left Jesse's quarters. 

'Now if I can get to mine without running into anyone.' 

#^#^#^# 

_Don't play games with the ones who love you_   
_Cause I hear a voice who says:_   
_I love you... I'll kill you..._

Trista looked up as it was announced that the Ramrod Team Unit had arrived. 

All the room's attention was focused on the door. The four who walked through were known to all, needing no introduction, no fanfare to state how important they were to these proceedings. 

Smiling, Trista picked out April from the quartet. Maybe they could find some time to talk later. She would love to tell April how her life had changed since they last met. April had really given her more than she had deserved. Offered friendship when April could rightly have called her a traitor. 

On impulse she looked across at Jesse, who she had been avoiding even more strenuously for the last two days. His eyes were fixed on April. Even when April between them, when he should have noticed she was staring at him. And his eyes were wistful. 

The pen she was holding snapped in half, the jagged edges of the break digging into her hand. Unnoticed a thin tear of blood rolled down her wrist. 

"You bastard." she whispered coldly. 

#^#^#^# 

_Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room_

He had woken up alone, roused by the absence by his side. The clock read 17:34. He tugged the sheets and blankets around him in a vain attempt to recapture the fading warmth. After they were virtually cocooning him, he let his disappointment seep through his mind. 

He hated sleeping alone. 

#^#^#^# 

_Look into the mirror of your soul_   
_Love and hate are one in all_

Jesse barely paid attention to the babble of the diplomatic small talk that surrounded him. He was beginning to understand what Nemesis meant when the Supreme Trail Boss complained about most of his underlings' nigh endless "progress" reports -- booooooooorrrriiinnnnng. 

'And it's even more boring, 'cause we have no intention of keeping our end of the treaty,' Jesse mocked himself and the scurrying members of the New Frontier delegation, 'I have no intention...' he grinned slyly to himself cutting off his own thoughts. 

The grin was wiped from his face as he spied three of his most hated people came into the room. Actually that wasn't true. Colt had managed to garner a micro-milligram of respect, and Saber Rider, well, by this point Saber Rider was a non-entity, the butt of some lewd jokes that he had a h**l of time trying to explain to Nemesis. He only really despised Fireball, and the way April's eyes glowed when she looked at him. 

Come to think of it, he really didn't like April that much either. He loved her, would always love her, but in his gut there was a stubborn, dull, burning ember of hatred. Didn't she understand that everything he had done was for her? Motivated by her? He would die just have her smile at him once with only a fraction of the warmth she was giving that brainless racer. That galled him as well. He was better than all three of those yahoos put together. Stronger, faster, smarter, better. He was about to bamboozle an entire dimension, two entire dimensions actually. That took some doing. Jesse seriously doubted anyone else could pull it off. 

"Soon enough," he muttered, turning his attention back to the gallery. It dawned on him that he hadn't seen Trista recently, and that bothered him. 

But for the life of him he didn't understand why. 

#^#^#^#

When the Cobalt Blue Blaster fired it destroyed not only the Alamo Moon, but also several of the ambassadorial ships surrounding it. Including one piloted by a Star Sheriff named Robert Tanner. 

#^#^#^#   
_Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me_   
_You'll see the face who'll say:_

Trista wiped her mouth. She still felt wobbly, but infinitely better, physically anyway. Emotionally... 

"I'm fine, Mrs. Tanner, really. It was just a bad spell," She managed to smiled as the older woman offered to help her up, "No really I'm fine. You know how it is." 

Bob's mother murmured something soothing and guided her to an armchair, then went off to get her some warm blankets even though the apartment was stifling all ready. 

'What am I going do?' Trista pondered, as she absent-mindedly rubbed her abdomen, 'what should I do, little one? If I hadn't been so stunned, I would never have said anything. Just gotten everything taken care of. Shouldn't have said a word...certainly not in front of Maggie. Now she thinks she'll have a grandchild to console her. And I can't do a thing about it.' 

She sat for hours, letting Maggie Tanner fuss over her, sipping the peppermint tea that was the only thing that didn't turn her stomach recently. 

'Are you going to be like your father, little one? I hope you're like me. Like me in every way. So Maggie can have her grandchild. Everyone's made the assumption that you're Bob's little girl...are you going to be a little girl? I think so. And you're going to be everything your father was not. You'll be good, and honest, and caring. I'll make sure nothing of him grows in you. You'll be someone the human race can be proud of.' 

It dawned on Trista that she _loved_ this child that she didn't want, not out of maternal instinct, but out the realization that it would be her vindication. 

'Oh yes, little one, you'll be nothing like your father, but you'll be everything he might have been. I promise.' 

#^#^#^# 

_I love you... I'll kill you..._   
_But I'll love you forever_

Elsewhere... 

The darkness hurt, the light burned. Everywhere was pain. From the inside, from the outside. Being ripped apart, being pieced together. There was nothing to feel the pain, but there was pain nonetheless. Pain and a deep maddening voice. 

A maddening voice screaming for revenge. 

_Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room_

Finis 

#^#^#^#^#^   
Author's Notes:   
First: DON'T SMOKE!   
I've always thought Jesse's a very self-destructive person, and smoking is a method of slowly killing yourself (And incidentally a method of torturing _your relatives_ as they watch _you die by inches_). Trista is also being self-destructive, but after what's happened to her that's not terribly surprising. Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now. ^^;;;

Incidentally Bob was one of the cadets that accidentally knocked the switch that revealed Jesse's failed attempt to force himself on April. He's also the one who thought he'd hurt April if he sparred with her in self-defense class. I thought it fitting that Trista hook up with him. 

"I Love You...I'll Kill You" is by Enigma; "Saber Rider and The Star Sheriffs" belongs to WEP. I'm not using them for profit, just out of affection. 


	2. To The End Of Love

Disclaimers: **_Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs_** belong to WEP. A name or two belong to Studio Perriot. The occasional original character belongs to me.

Heart of Madness Prologue Two:

****

**_To The End Of Love_**

_Dance me to your beauty_   
_with a burning violin_   
_Dance me through the panic_   
_till I'm gathered safely in_   
_Lift me like an olive branch_   
_and be my homeward dove_   
_Dance me to the end of love_

**_A week after the end of the War_**

It hit Fireball like, well, a fireball while they stood on the balcony watching the swirling multitude below on the ballroom floor. He really did love April. Loved her more than he had ever thought possible. Loved everything about her. Loved the way the wind blowing from the opened window played with her long hair. Loved the way half reflected lights shadowed her face. Loved that she was babbling on about a project about which he could barely understand two words in twenty. Loved that she had seen him at his worse. Loved that he had seen her at her worse. Loved that no matter what they had been at their best together. Loved **_her_**. 

And it scared him witless. 

"Fireball?" 

The sound of April's voice cut through his tumbling thoughts, startling him into jumping slightly. 

"Fireball, are you all right?" 

Concern, caring, affection perhaps, flowed through her voice as she laid her hand on his arm. 

"Yeah, April, I'm...I'm fine," Fireball couldn't bring himself to look fully at her face; what if her face belied what her voice seemed to be screaming at him? 

"Could've fooled me, Fireball," he didn't need to see her warm smile to know it was there. 

They stood there in silence, watching the dance below. 

"April?" 

"Yes, Fireball?' 

"I..." He turned to look at her straight on, his stomach knotting in fear, "April, I love you." 

She didn't need to say a word. The light in her eyes told him all he needed to know. 

~~~~~@ *@~~~~~ 

_Let me see your beauty_   
_when the witnesses are gone_   
_Let me feel you moving_   
_like they do in Babylon_   
_Show me slowly what I only_   
_know the limits of_   
_Dance me to the end of love_

**_Seven months after the War_**

"April, it can't be that bad," Fireball cajoled through the locked door, "it was the only way they could be sure that all that gunk from the lab was washed off. Come on, let me see." 

"No!" 

"Please?" 

"NO!" 

"April, be reasonable. You can't stay in the bathroom until your hair grows back. 

"Oh yes, I can!" 

"You'll starve." 

"So I'll starve," April shot back angrily. 

"You know I won't laugh." 

"Yes, you will." 

"No, I won't. I promise, I won't." 

"You promise?" 

"Cross my heart." 

Fireball stepped back as he heard the lock of their bathroom door disengage. April emerged dressed in her robe, a towel wrapped around her head. Her blue eyes blazed stubbornly. 

"You promise you won't laugh?" 

"April!" Fireball rolled his eyes, "Yes, I promise I won't laugh." 

Her hands reached up. She paused, making sure his eyes were looking directly into hers. She twitched the towel from her head. 

Fireball tried admirably. His face froze then twisted a full minute before... he laughed. 

April turned to flee back into the bathroom, but Fireball had grabbed her arm and was pulling her into a hug. 

"Oh April," He breathed as he kissed the top of her shaven bald head, "I'm sorry. It was a shock." 

"A shock? How do you think I feel?" April sniffled as she buried her face in his chest. 

"It will grow back, Love," Fireball reassured her as he started to kiss his way down to her shoulders, "and you know what? I get to see even more of your beautiful neck. You have a gorgeous neck," he whispered conspiratorially before he nuzzled her robe so that it dropped from her shoulders. 

"Fireball..." 

~~~~~@*@~~~~~ 

_Dance me to the wedding now_   
_Dance me on and on_   
_Dance me very tenderly and_   
_Dance me very long_   
_We're both of us beneath our love_   
_We're both of us above_   
_Dance me to the end of love_

**_A Year after the War_**

It had taken some doing to organize the wedding. Finding the place to hold it was the easy part; the stark beauty of the desert surrounding Cavalry Command Headquarters was subtly enhanced with gentle and simple arrangements of flowers in pale pink, blue, and yellow. 

Finding a Catholic priest who would also perform the Buddhist wedding ceremony had been slightly more difficult. But after a few weeks of fretting, Commander Eagle serendipitously met a genial priest who was representing a settlement on Planet Durango at New Frontier Planetary Council. 

The guest list was another headache. How did one seat a King next to a Cowboy? 

Another difficult task fell on Fireball's shoulders. Who to ask to be best man? If he asked Colt, he risked hurting Saber Rider's feelings. If he asked Saber, he ran the same risk with Colt. He would have asked Commander Eagle, but for the most obvious of reasons that would just not work. In the end he requested that General Whitehawk act as his best man. 

So, after all the various problems and puzzles of arranging a wedding had been solved (and numerous threats of an elopement subverted,) in early July, just before sunset, April Eagle married Hikari Shinji. 

~~~~~@ *@~~~~~ 

_Dance me to the children_   
_who are asking to be born_   
_Dance me through the curtains_   
_that our kisses have outworn_   
_Raise a tent of shelter now_   
_though every thread is torn_   
_Dance me to the end of love_

**_Two and a Half Years after the War_**

"Geez, April, it's just another race. Why're you getting so upset?" Fireball asked in confusion to his wife's tearful tirade. 

"Because you crashed in the last race!" 

Fireball nodded, "Yes, and I've crashed in races before that one," he went on the defensive, "are you saying I'm losing my edge?" 

April could have hit him, "No! But what if something happened to you? What if your safety harness breaks? What if the Red Fury gets pinned under a pile-up? On fire?" Her voiced cracked, "What if you couldn't get out?" 

"That's not gonna happen, April," Fireball reasoned as he reached out to touch her, but she pulled back. 

"**_It could"_**

Fireball was at a loss of what to say. He stood there his opening and closing his mouth. Finally her just shook his head, and offered lamely, "well, worse comes to worse, and I don't see why you'd need it, you'd have the policy settlement..." 

"I don't want the damn insurance money, Hikari! I want you! I need you! We need you!" April howled, almost attacking her husband in her fury. Her fists beat against him, as nearly wordless howls escaped her. Catching her wrists, Fireball waited as April calmed down to a sobbing exhaustion, "I just don't want to lose you," she gasped as she collapsed against him. 

Carrying her to their bed, he cradled her as if she were the most precious thing in the universe to him. And if Fireball had been confused before, now he was doubly so now. All he could do was hold April close and murmur soft, loving nonsense to her. 

"Wait a sec," Fireball said almost to himself, " 'we need you'?" 

That got through to April. She pushed herself away from him and sat up. She tried to unsuccessfully to wipe away her remaining tears. She tried to smile. 

"I wanted to tell you a little bit more romantically, but," her fragile smile grew stronger, "but you're going to a father, Fireball." 

There was nothing for him to say. He pulled her back down to him, kissing her, crying and smiling himself. 

~~~~~@*@~~~~~ 

_Dance me to your beauty_   
_with a burning violin_   
_Dance me through the panic_   
_till I'm gathered safely in_   
_Touch me with your naked hand_   
_Touch me with your glove_   
_Dance me to the end of love_

**_Seven years after the War_**

"Give Charles a hug for me will ya'?" 

"Always. You be careful, Fireball," April warned over the vid-com, "he's counting on you to bring him back another 'gold car'" 

Fireball laughed, "Tell him that if I have anything to say about it, I'll be bringing home him some of the race track!" 

"I'm sure he'll love that," April grinned wryly, "But it has to be able to fit in his room." 

He laughed again, "well, I have to get back to the pit now. The race is gonna start soon. Wish we could talk longer." 

"Me too, but I have got to get through these reports before the project meeting tomorrow," April yawned, and softly added, "be safe, Hikari, I love you." 

Fireball grinned, and gave her a salute to acknowledge her 'order,' "Bye, Hon, I love you too." Then he severed the connection. He walked away from the vid-com whistling. 

The End   
~~~~~~~~~~   
Disclaimer and Notes: **_Dance Me To The End Of Love_** was written by Leonard Cohen. **Saber Rider and The Star Sheriffs** is copyrighted to **WEP. **In other words, I'm using these characters and lyrics without permission, not for profit, but with a great deal of affection. 

Yes, I did use the name from **Bismark **as Fireball's 'real name.' And yes, I know I have his family name and personal name transposed. So sue me, I like the sound of Hikari Shinji. ;-)   
  
  



	3. Starry Sky

Disclaimers: **_Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs_** belong to WEP. A name or two belong to Studio Perriot. The occasional original character belongs to me.**__**

****

**_Heart of Madness_**

* * *

  
**_Part One:_**   
**_Starry Sky_**

"Bye, Hon, I love you too." With that Fireball gave his wife a jaunty little salute, and then the screen went black. 

April snorted back a laugh, "Trust him to get the last word," she muttered as she turned back to the reports of Cavalry Command's latest project, "Maybe I should have gone into racing," she mused to herself as she circled some troublesome figures, "then we'd be on the same planet at least fifty percent of the time." 

As the afternoon wore on and the sunlight dimmed from the windows, April was roused from her work by the chiming of the door. As she turned from her desk the door slid open, and a small blur sped in from the hall. 

"MOMMA!" came an ear-splitting shout of greeting from her nearly four year old son, as he clamber up into her lap. His hug was nearly choking. 

When Charles finally released her, she laughed, "well, how was your day?" 

"We had fun!" the boy exclaimed. 

"And we got tired," a voice called from the doorway, "that kid takes after his Daddy, April; a real ball of fire," Colt drawled, "Makes Laura seem calm." 

"So I take it all went well?" April half asked Colt, half asked her son. 

"Miss Calvins was asking if you and Fireball were planning on having any more. So she can make plans to reinforce the playground." "They even had turbos just like Daddy's!" Two answers rose simultaneously. 

Colt and April shared a look, and let Charles chatter away until the little boy suddenly gave a big yawn, surprising himself. 

"May be you should go take a nap, sweetie? Daddy said he'll call later and you want to be awake when he does, don't you?" April suggested rising with her son in her arms. 

"Okay, Momma," Charles yawned again, and settled his head on her shoulder. 

"Excuse us a moment, Colt" April took Charles to his room. 

As he waited, Colt took a look around the room, more out of habit than real interest. He smiled as he noticed a new set of photos gracing a bookshelf. Everywhere you looked in this apartment, if you didn't see a picture of Fireball and April, you saw Fireball, April and Charles, or April and Charles, or Fireball and Charles, or Charles and the Grandfather he was named for, or some variation of that theme. The Shinjis had long ago decided that since their choice of professions would inevitably require time away from their home, they would fill it with reassurances for their son that even if Mommy or Daddy were away for a long time, that they were always a family. In truth, he and Robin had something similar in their own living room for their three girls. Of course, Colt was away less then either Fireball or April. 

"Dad took that one when we weren't looking," April's voice cut through Colt's fog of pondering. He startled realizing he had been staring at a picture that he had picked up. It was of Shinjis all laughing, all virtually covered with ice cream, "I told him it would only encourage Charles. All Dad did was smile that smile of his." 

"You mean the one that says that's exactly what he's going for?" Colt chuckled. 

"Right. So besides having 'turbos' just like Daddy's, how was his day?" 

"Well, like I said, Miss Calvins wants to know if she can expect more. But Chuckie was a bit shaky at first. He stayed close to Laura for most of the morning, but when the clouds cleared up the kids all went out and played. He started ripping around that playground in his 'turbo' with the other kids." 

April had to giggle at the mental image of her little boy racing around on a glorified red tricycle. She could almost see the ecstatic look on Charles' face, one she knew so well from his father's. 

"I wish I could have taken him myself today," April wistfully, "I mean, it's his first day at preschool." 

Colt shook his head, "Nah, trust me, it's better this way, April. This way he thinks he's just going to play Laura, and iffen he starts learning stuff...well..." The buzzing of his personal comm-unit interrupted him, "jest a sec, April. Hey Honey..." 

At the same moment the comm-unit on April's desk chimed. She tapped the accept pad. 

"April Shinji speaking. Oh! Hi Saber!" April cheerfully greeted her oldest friend. But that cheer faded as she saw the grave look on his handsome face, and was startled when Colt let out a violent howl. 

"WHAT?!?" 

"Colt is with you, April?" Saber asked. 

"Yes, Saber, what is it?" April demanded anxiously, her eyes growing big as she saw Colt fall down to his knees in near defeat. 

Saber swallowed, then said in a nearly calm voice, "April, roughly one half-hour ago the planet of New Reno was attacked. There's reason to believe that it was the Outriders," he paused and closed his eyes, fighting back tears, "We think there are no survivors." 

"what?" April whispered. 

"We have tried to communicate with the planet, but...there is simply no one responding," Saber took a deep breathe, "Our initial scans have indicated that the surface may well be molten." 

"Fireball...." 

* * * *   
_Don't look back, go without doubts,_   
_the way your heart leads, to your tomorrow._   
_I will be all right, because I can live_   
_embraced by such lovely remembrances as these._

_Thank you for days with no regrets._   
_Thank you for eternal love._   
_No matter how far apart we may be_   
_you are my home._

* * * *

Saber Rider stumbled through another few words before Colt appeared on the monitor, his face grim. 

"Top Sword, Robin just got a call from Cavalry Command..." Colt managed to get out. 

"I know, Colt," Saber nodded, "I have to go now. I'll be there as soon as possible. Stay with her." 

"Robin's coming over with the girls," Colt said flatly, "I guess Commander Eagle'll be coming too." 

"Yes." With that Saber broke the connection and to a moment to collect himself before turning to his current team. Their young faces reflecting support and sympathy, "Are there any life readings at all?" 

"Sir, even if the surface wasn't liquid rock right now, the level of radiation...well, I hope no one is alive down there," the tiny brunette at the sensor console waved at the reading on her screen, "All I'm getting now is silence and static." 

"I see," the Highlander nodded curtly, "Breaker, set a course for Yuma, please." 

"Of course, sir," the auburn pilot murmured as he programmed the coordinates into the flight computer. 

Saber Rider sat back in his seat and mentally reviewed what had happened.   
  


* * * *

They had been on regular patrol when the first panicked call came through from New Reno. It had been audio only, jumbled and static-filled. But it was very clear that the settlement needed help, and Saber's team was the closest available. They had maintained contact for twelve minutes, trying to get as much information as they could about what they were heading for. Breaker had snagged the signal of a broadcasting satellite to get a visual of the situation. Then communication was cut off. 

Simply cut off, as if all communication equipment had been switched off. The silence had been worse the panicked voices. 

When Cavalry Unit 258 arrived in orbit of New Reno, there was no sign of any attackers. And no sign of life. 

* * * *

"Sir? Sir?" 

Saber Rider roused from his remembrances, "Yes, Iris?" 

"We're almost to Yuma, Sir. Request permission to land?" Iris (the brunette) asked. 

"Yes." 

* * * * 

_Even after we part, I will live_   
_transformed in to the flames in your heart._   
_On late nights when the weight_   
_of the journey is hard_   
_let me warm a corner of your life_

* * * *

Commander Eagle sat on the edge of his daughter's bed, and stroked her hair and held her hand. April had cried herself to sleep shortly after Saber Rider arrived. 

'I would give anything to spare you this pain, April' he thought, his own tears going unattended, 'I remember when we lost your Mother. I though the pain would never end. It never did, but seeing you happy dulled it enough to be bearable. I wish she were here now, she was always the stronger of us.' 

He turned when he heard a small noise in the doorway. 

"Is Momma gonna be all right, Grandpa?" Charles asked. 

At that moment Commander Eagle was struck by just how much his grandson looked like his late son-in-law. And found himself grieving all the more because of it. Grateful beyond words for it. 

"Momma... Momma's going to need some time," Eagle said, slowly rising from the door to go and pick up his grandson, "but she'll be fine," He held the little boy tightly to him, "we'll all be fine." 

"Grandpa? Daddy's not comin' back?" Charles asked with a tone begging for Commander Eagle to tell him otherwise. 

"..." Eagle couldn't find a response, finally, "Charles, your Daddy will always be with you. He will always love you." 

"I know," and the boy burst into tears. 

* * * *

The next few days were mixed with grief, anger, and dread. 

All of the New Frontier went into shock from the brutal annihilation of the New Reno settlement. Each settlement demanded Cavalry Commands protection. The slightest blip in the skies sent waves of panic through the colonies. The Kingdom of Jarr went into high alert, and offered to assist Cavalry Command in any way possible. 

It was confirmed from the brief bits of footage Cavalry Unit 258 had recorded that the ship seen in that footage were of Outrider design although not of a previously identified type. It also painfully clear from that footage the weapons being used had advanced since the end of the war. 

Despite offers of time off, concerned pleas, and one outright order, April began to work in overdrive to complete Ramrod's latest refit. 

"Just lying around grieving won't doing good," she said grimly, "it won't bring Hikari back. It won't bring anyone back. But I not going to let those bastards get away with it." 

* * * *   
_Good-bye... Chase everywhere_   
_Good-bye... after the dream that is yours alone._   
_Though we two can never meet again_   
_I am glad to have been able to love you._

_Thank you for days with no regrets._   
_Thank you for eternal love._   
_No matter how far apart we may be_   
_you are my home._   
_* * * *_

And through the nights she could almost hear a whisper. 

"April, I love you" 

* * * *

End of Part One 

* * *

Notes: The song, _Hoshizora no Last Song_ _(Last Song of the Starry Sky)_ by Yamakawa Keisuke, is an image song from the soundtrack of **_Waga Seishun no Arcadia _**(Arcadia of My Youth, or My Youth in Arcadia, depending on how you translate it) **_Arcadia _**is one of my favorite animated movies; not only is it an epic story, it's one of my all time favorite character's (Captain Harlock) origin story. Should you ever have the chance to see it, go for it. (The uncut subtitled version please, the dubbed version has been hacked to death) The lyrics were translated by Shin Kurokawa & Michael House. Therefore said lyrics are copyrighted to someone other than me, but I love them anyway. 

Again Saber Rider and all his friends belong to WEP. 


	4. Atomic Heartbreaker

Disclaimers: **_Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs_** belong to WEP. A name or two belong to Studio Perriot. The occasional original character belongs to me.__

_Heart Of Madness_   
Part Two 

* * *

  
_Atomic Heartbreaker_

We had hoped that in the seven years since the apparent destruction of the Outrider Homeworld that the New Frontier would flourish without further conflict. The attack on New Reno proved how false our hopes had been. From the footage of the attack it was clear that Outrider technology had advanced at an alarming rate. Scientists from Cavalry Command and Jarr analyze and reanalyze the information available. These new Outrider crafts were dubbed Hedoraus Units. Whatever information they could gleam went directly to the refit team working on Ramrod. 

Unfortunately, the work could not be done fast enough. Several ships traveling between settlements were attacked and completely destroyed. The shredded wreckage so saturated with radiation that it could not be safely recovered for examination. 

--Excerpt from Saber Rider's journal

* * * *

"What do you mean I shouldn't be part of Ramrod's command team?" April demanded, "I designed Ramrod, I built him, I've overseen each refit and every overhaul, and I've gone into battle on board Ramrod before...Or don't you remember, Father?" 

"April, I'm not questioning your abilities, but you have more responsibilities now, then you did then," Commander Eagle winced, 'She only calls me Father when she angry with me.' 

"I know what my responsibilities are, and how to cope with them," April insisted, frustrated with each roadblock her father or some other commander tried to throw up in front of her. 

"Do you want Charles to lose his mother as well as his father?" Eagle final spelled it out. 

April slapped her father, "How dare you! I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to do Charles any good if I stay behind," she felt tears fill her eyes, "Try to understand, Daddy, I have be there. For Fireball, and because I can't sit here and pretend to be protecting Charles. I have to be out there, actively protecting him from the Outriders. I have to drive them away. I can't just sit here by the sidelines." 

"April, honey, I do understand, but I know how hard it was for you when your mother died. Now think of what Charles would feel if he not only had to deal with his father's death but his mother's as well." 

"Dad," April sighed, "Don't you think I've thought that? But I can't stay with him right now. Not when I'm needed to out there defending the New Frontier. How can I be a good Mother to him, if I compromise myself and what I believe in? Dad, if Fireball were here, I know he'd agree with me; we'd argue about it first, but he would agree with me." 

Commander Eagle shook his head, "yes, he would, wouldn't he." 

"I know you're also worried that I'll do something crazy, something like flying straight into an explosion to join him. But Charles is here, and I have a reason to live. I'm not going to do anything stupid," April saw that she was winning this battle, "Now Robin's agreed with that it would be best if he went and stayed with her and the girls while I'm away. Robin's asked that you come and visit as often as you can, not only for Charles' sake, but for Laura, Cathy, and Kelly's sakes too. After all their father's going to be gone too." 

"April," Commander Eagle regarded his daughter with a mixture of fear and pride, "If I had ordered you to stay put..." 

"I would have resigned and joined a settlement militia." 

Commander gave a gentle bark of laughter, "I thought so." 

* * * *

He wanted to imprint everything he could into his memory. The way her corn silk hair shifted against his cheek. The delicate scent of fading lilacs. The sound of her breathing in the early morning quiet of their small bedroom. The gentle weight at his side. Colt wanted to ensure that even when he was light years away from Robin, she was with him all the time. 

"Penny for your thought," Robin's sleepy voice murmured in his ear. 

"They're worth more than that," Colt replied, his arms unconsciously tighten around his wife. 

"What could you be thinking of that's worth more than a penny?" Robin playfully scoffed. 

"You, the girls, how lucky I am," Colt suddenly found his eyes suspiciously moist, "You know I really don't want to do this, right honey?" 

Robin was quiet for a moment, then she slowly started, "I know that I don't want you to be mixed up in fighting again. But I know that if anyone can stop the Outriders, and restore the peace, it's you. If you didn't do this Colt, you wouldn't be the man I married, the man I love. I don't like it, but it's what has to be. Just promise..." 

"Promise?" 

"Just promise me you'll come back? Whenever I see April, I think that could be me..." 

Colt rolled over on to his side so he could see Robin's face, "Nothing, nothing will stop me from coming home you. Those creeps can throw me into a black hole, I'll claw my way out to come back to you." 

Robin sniffled, "Oh Colt!" 

* * * *

Saber Rider stood on the control deck of Ramrod and gazed out the main view port at the early morning cityscape. He marveled as the light from Yuma's sun slid over the sleepy city, bathing it in tone of blue, rose, and pale yellow. Somewhere in the city his team was saying good-bye to their loved ones, perhaps for the last time. The overwhelming emptiness of the command deck echoed with soundless whispers. 

' 'We will grieve not, rather find / Strength in what remains behind;' No one could have said better,' Saber reflected soberly as he glanced around the refitted saddle units. There were still four, but April had redesigned the entire system to work smoothly even if only one sheriff remained to pilot Ramrod no matter what shape the equalizer unit was in, 'I should request another sheriff to join the team.' 

The comm-unit chimed, and Saber hit the accept button, "General Whitehawk," he acknowledged. 

"Saber Rider, I thought I might find you there," the Cavalry General began, "the Command Council wishes to know when Ramrod will take-off." 

"As soon as April and Colt are settled in and ready, Sir," Saber replied. 

"Very good," the transmission should have ended then, but Whitehawk continued, "You could not have foreseen that attack, Saber." 

"Sir?" 

Deep pain was etched in Whitehawk's eyes, "I've known you too long, you're trying to take the responsibility for Fireball's death. No one could have known the Outriders were going to attack New Reno. You could not have gotten there in time to save them, save Fireball." 

"Yes, sir," Saber agreed atonally. 

"I see," the general shook his head, "Saber, I'm paraphrasing from a very old television series: one of the truths of war is that people die, and no matter how much we wish otherwise we cannot change that." 

"Permission to speak freely, sir," Saber suddenly request. 

"Granted." 

"General Whitehawk, this is not the first a member of one of my teams has died. I've felt saddened by each loss, and Fireball was no longer a Star Sheriff, no longer under my command, yet I feel there should have been something I should have done. That I failed him somehow," Saber struggled with his words, emotions and logic, "I'm not certain if I'm fit to command Ramrod, if I keep having these doubts, Sir." 

The General remained silent for a moment. He studied Cavalry Command's youngest commander carefully. When he finally spoke it was with deep conviction, "You _are_ fit for command." 

"Thank you, Sir." 

"Whitehawk out," and screen blanked to dark grey. 

* * * *

Whitehawk sat back in his chair, not willing to admit that his communication with the distressed Commander had unnerved him. He picked up the picture of his wife and stepdaughter, held it close to his heart, and prayed. 

'Let this done with quickly.' 

* * * *

On Planet Mihara there is a small park. It's squeezed between two immense city blocks. Yet within its confines there were trees, flowers, a small petting zoo, even a duck pond. It is the perfect place to hold a little girl's birthday party. 

On this warm afternoon, Murasaki was turning six. She was dressed in a frilly purple dress, and was giving her mother fits because she kept picking up the awful, dirty, smelly rabbits in the petting zoo. Her friends were slightly better behaved, but only because they knew it Murasaki's party, and they wouldn't be able to get away with what she was doing; maybe on their birthdays. 

"Okay, girls," Murasaki's mother called out, "It's time for cake! Go wash your hands, while I set it up." 

The gaggle of little girls ran giggling over to the public convenience. After much splashing and laughter, they determined that their hands were clean enough to eat cake and ice cream. They were running back to the picnic tables when Natsumi stopped and pointed up to the sky. 

"What's that?!?" 

A dark shadow swooped through the sky, then another, and another. From these shadows fell a fine mist of black rain, staining their party dresses. It burned. Streaks of light flashed down from the sky incinerating everything in their path. Deafening thunder roared from the buildings lining either side of the park. 

"Girls! Girls! Get over here! Get over here!" Murasaki's mother frantically screamed from the relative shelter of the trees surrounding the tables. 

Before the little girls could move a building collapse, and a giant figure stood at the edge of the park. A monstrous figure rising above the still standing buildings on either side. It dimly reminded Murasaki of a picture she once saw in her older brother's history book. Bristling with hair-fine metal wires that writhed and crackled with energy. Its head, its mouth opened revealing a vortex of glowing, swirling power. It focused in on Murasaki's wailing mother. A beam of pure and solid fire crashed down. 

As her mother and most of the park melted from existence, cataracts clouded over Murasaki's eyes. Her bones pulped within her, and the sponge remaining could not hold even her fragile weight. Her soft curls turned brittle and fell like broken straw. And last sound that she heard was the high pitched whining scream of the Outrider Hedoraus. 

* * * *

"Well, I never thought I'd be quartered here again," April said to herself as she reacquainted herself with her old room aboard Ramrod. It was no longer the room of the young girl she had been, so filled with hope and dreams. She was older now, and knew better. Still, she could remember how oddly carefree she had been, even during the worst of the Outriders' assault. She could remember laughing even as her Father was being held prisoner. 

She heaved a sighed and set what had become her most prized possession down on the table by her bed. It was the last and most recent photograph she had her family all together. April smiled sadly as she traced her fingertips over the glass covering Fireball's lips. They were ringed with chocolate ice cream, the same as what covered most of Charles' grinning face. 

The klaxons blared to life, and Saber Rider's voice came over Ramrod's internal radio. 

"The Outriders are attacking Mihara. We are launching immediately." 

With that Ramrod's idling engines roared to life. 

"Damn them!" April cursed as she fitted her armor on, then ran to the Control Deck. 

* * * *

Ramrod arrived in Mihara's orbit roughly two hours later. Miraculously enough Mihara's armed forces were still holding back the Outrider forces, although their efforts were now primarily focused on providing cover for the evacuation. It was both a pitiful and awe-inspiring show doomed bravery on the part of the planet's defenders, as row after row of the tiny Miharan fighter-craft flew directly between the Outrider Ghidoraus Battlecruisers and the escaping arc-crafts, shielding the human cargo with their lives. 

"Top Sword?" Colt asked softly. 

"Fire plasma cannons," came the dark reply. 

"Firing plasma cannons." 

Twin bolts of green erupted from Ramrod's bow gutting two of the Ghidoraus. The remaining Ghidoraus refocused their assault on this new interloper. 

While engaging the Outrider Cruisers, Ramrod's team received a single message from the remaining Miharan fighter-craft who were now forming a protective escort around the arc-crafts:   
"Thank you, and gods bless." 

But from the now murky atmosphere rose a new threat. A massive seemingly hirsute Renegade turning its attention on the fleeing ships. From its mouth emerged a vortex cannon. 

"No!" April screamed, as she watched a blast that simply disintegrated a third of the Miharan vessels. 

"Challenge phase now!" Saber's eyes blazed with blue fire as his fist crashed up against the red button now installed over his saddle unit. 

Nothing happened. 

"April, what's going on?" He demanded as he maneuvered Ramrod between the remaining ships and the Renegade. 

"I think one of the blasts from the Outriders was an EMPulse, it scrambled part of Ramrod's controls," She shouted back, "I'll try from here." 

Again nothing happened. 

"It's not responding to me either," April fumed. 

Colt reached for the button above his saddle unit, not really believing it would work... 

Then voice of Ramrod's AI boomed through the control center, "Order Acknowledged, Ramrod Challenge Phase One." 

As their ship changed around them, the Star Sheriffs never noticed the button above the empty saddle unit was depressed flat against its console. 

"We've got the knock out that cannon somehow," Saber mused angrily. 

"I got an idea!" Colt said, and without explanation he aimed one of Ramrod's heat-intensive lasers at the Renegades gaping maw. He fired at full power. His intention was not to destroy the beam, but melt the armor around it over it into a gag. 

"Good job, Colt," Saber said, "Now it tries fire it will probably blow itself up. Now power up maverick quick-dra...what in bloody hell is that?" 

The fine wires bristling over the Renegade's body began to weave and melt together, forming a glistening black shell. Small red domes emerged to cover the hands and shoulders; they began to pulse ominously. 

"Fire now, Colt!" 

Ramrod let loose with everything it had. 

It knocked the Renegade back, but did virtually no damage. The Renegade fired its beams, and shook Ramrod and the sheriffs darn near silly. Then it turns its attentions back to the Mihara's survivors. The red domes pulsed again, and fired. 

Only to be deflected be another blast of plasma from out of nowhere. 

Through the darkness glided a dark ship. Like a shark, it was graceful, beautiful and deadly. The Star Sheriffs recognized it instantly. 

"I'll get him," Colt growled, targeting the Badlander. 

"No, wait," Saber ordered, his eyes narrowed, "This may be a trap." 

The Badlander flew straight towards the Renegade a series of missiles launching, aimed at the pulsing ruby domes. Saber would have sworn there was grimace of anger on the Renegade's blank metal face as the missiles impacted and destroyed its weapon. The Renegade reached and backhanded the small ship. 

"What is he doing?" April asked herself as she watched the Badlander recover from the blow dealt it by the Renegade Unit. 

The small craft was placing itself directly between Ramrod and the Outrider behemoth. A single cannon rose from the Badlander's surface. 

"I'm going to take care of Gojira here. Be ready to move," Jesse's voice crackled over the comm-unit. 

Saber looked down at his sensors. He raised an eyebrow at the readings, but merely replied, "Understood." 

"Saber?" April asked. 

"Look at your sensors, April," Saber requested, "Is he using a gauss cannon?" 

"Yes, but we've all ready tried that. The mortars simply aren't powerful enough to effect that monster," April's eyes widened as she scanned the Badlander, "The readings coming off that missile are odd..." 

In Ramrod's Control Center, the Sheriffs waited anxiously for Jesse to fire. 

The projectile flashed towards the Renegade unit. It pierced its armor as if it were tissue. For a moment it seemed that the missile had done nothing. Then Ramrod's sensor readings spiked hot. 

"Hold on now," Saber ordered as he brought Ramrod hard around and pushed the equalizer unit's engines to the max. Saber spared a moment to glance at an external view screen and that the Badlander was also pressing itself to the limits; it was leading Ramrod by a good twenty kilometers. 

The Renegade unit exploded in near super-nova proportion. Ramrod's automatic screening filters dimmed the control center's view screen/window. If one didn't know it was an act of mass destruction one would have thought one was bearing witness to the birth of a star. It took out the remaining Outrider ships, Ghidoraus and Hedoraus alike. 

"Darn, what do you reckon that was, Top Sword?" Colt exclaimed. 

"I'm not certain, but I think the Renegade's power core experienced an meltdown," Saber theorized. 

The comm-unit cracked to life again. 

"Sheriffs, I request permission to come aboard," a cold, tired voice called. 

Time in Ramrod's control center held its breath. 

"Permission granted." 

* * * *

The Star Sheriffs waited silently as the Badlander slowly came to rest of the floor of Ramrod's landing bay. They had their weapons drawn, but not aimed. They held their collective breathes as the battered ship's hatch opened. 

A tall familiar armored figure emerged. It turned to look at the Sheriffs. 

"I surrender." 

****   
End Part Two. 

Note: Saber Rider's little quote is from Wordsworth's Ode: _Intimations Of Immortality_, which is considerably longer...   
  
  



	5. Hand Over Fist

_Heart Of Madness_   
_Part Three_

* * *

  
_Hand Over Fist_

_Hand over fist_   
_Paper around the stone_   
_Scissors cut the paper_   
_Cut the paper to the bone_   
_Hand over fist_   
_paper around the stone_   
_Scissors cut the paper_   
_And the rock must stand alone_

For some reason Saber Rider had always found Ramrod's medical center depressing. Perhaps it was the colour scheme that caused it. The walls, floor, and ceiling were a dull greyish beige designed to reflect light. Perhaps it was the 'squidginess' of the room, crowded with medical computers and devices to the point of near claustrophobia. It was a cramped, boring room and it was wonder that it didn't contribute to a lack of recovery in its patients. Jesse had so far been the ideal patient; he let the medicomp scan his injuries, even let it inject him with the nanocytes to mend them. Saber shuddered at the though of this; he loathed the idea of letting microscopic machines go to work in his body, even if they were designed to shut down once they completed their task and get flushed out of the body's system. Saber's eyes slid over to the man reclining on a med-bench. A man in pain, evidently exhausted beyond endurance, but refusing to give even an inch. Saber's thoughts drifted back to two hours previous... 

* * * *   
_I could disappear into the crowd_   
_But not if I keep my head in the clouds_   
_I could walk away so proud_   
_It's easy enough if you don't laugh too loud_

"I surrender," with those words the armored figure began to remove his helmet using his left hand. He held his right arm close to his body. Saber saw that the armor on that side of his body was cracked and smashed in places. 

'That blow the Badlander took must have been more severe than we thought' Saber thought as he watched Jesse Blue carefully. He was mildly surprised when he saw the long tattered braid fall from the helmet as it finally came off. He was even more surprised when Jesse swayed slightly, as he dropped his helmet. The turncoat looked as if he were going throw up, or perhaps pass out. But with barely visible effort Jesse kept himself up right, and began to cross the hangar towards the silent Star Sheriffs. He was limping, and it was clear from his perfectly blank expression he was suppressing pain. 

Saber glanced at April and Colt, and a knot settled in his stomach. Their eyes were icy with hatred and he could almost believe they were enjoying this. Which was why he walked out to Jesse and offered his assistance. 

Jesse stared at the out stretched hand, then looked up at Saber's eyes. 

Saber saw pride and fear warring with need in Jesse's eyes. He schooled his own face to show nothing of the disgust and anger he felt for this man. Instead he let only concern come through, and silently celebrated his small victory when Jesse took his hand. Jesse's skin seemed unnaturally cool. 

"My leg is broken." 

"Then lean on me." 

There was another moment that went on forever as Jesse appeared to be waging an internal struggle. He gave a deep sigh, and very slightly let Saber take some of his weight. As they crossed the bay Saber noticed that Colt and April were frozen in place in front of the door, their eyes conveying disapproval that he was helping Jesse. 

'Well, I can't very well let someone needing help go unaided, can I?' he raged silently, 'what sort of commander am I if I did that?' 

Saber glanced over at Jesse's face to see his reactions. Jesse's eyes just slid over Colt, dismissing the cowboy completely. His aqua eyes widened slightly as he looked at April. 

'Probably didn't expect her hair to be so short,' Saber thought wryly. 

Colt and April parted to let them through. 

* * * *

"TinStar?" a harshly familiar voice cut through his haze of memory, "Hello, TinStar? You're being paged." 

Saber started when he realized he had fogged out. Sure enough April's voice was becoming slightly impatient and panicked over Ramrod's internal comm-system. 

"Saber here, April," He answered as he tapped the respond button. 

"I was getting worried," April replied, relief evident in her voice, "We're about to enter Yuma's system. Cavalry Command is requesting your report of the battle." 

"Very well, April, I'll be there in just a moment," Saber answered. He turned to Jesse. 

"I know, I know, you're going to secure me," Jesse muttered, long fingers twitching, playing with his waist length braid. 

"Given your history, Jesse," Saber Rider said as he brought the cage like restraints down over Jesse, "I would have to far, far gone to leave you alone and loose. That's no too tight?" he asked, before locking it down. 

"It's fine," Jesse's brow furrowed, "and it isn't necessary. I'll stay put right here...this isn't a standard lock-down?" 

"Critical care cage. It was designed to keep someone on life-support from disconnecting himself, if he thrashed about in his sleep," Saber answered, then turned away, "Three of your ribs were broken, I can't imagine you'd want to risk puncturing your lung, even with the nanocytes working." And he left Jesse behind. 

Jesse blinked after him, then let out a gusty sigh. He relaxed back, closed his eyes, and reluctantly let sleep take him. 

As Saber walked through Ramrod's corridors, he composed himself. This was not going to be an easy report; it would be filled with unanswered questions. He had his own questions, and he wasn't certain he would ever know the answers to them. Still he was confident that between what the survivors of Mihara saw and what Ramrod's sensors had recorded they would have a better insight into the Outriders' new technology. 

"So how is our 'guest'?" April asked when he entered the command center. 

"A bit bashed up," Saber responded, "and very tired. I locked him down in the medical center." 

April suppressed her reaction, "Shouldn't he be in the brig?" 

"I don't think he's planning on going anywhere, April," Saber said tiredly, realizing for the first time how exhausted he was himself. He saw that same exhaustion etched on his to friends' faces as well, "Open the channel to Cavalry Command, please." 

After a tense twenty-three minutes of relating his report, Saber was finally able to ask, "The survivors of Mihara, how are they doing?" 

The Cavalry Commander was silent for a moment, distress causing creases in her face, "We've only been able to clear a small fraction of them for landing. We're still scanning the remaining ships, but a substantial portion of them are so contaminated with radiation, we're not sure if we can even can grant them near-atmosphere orbit. The moon bases are converting what isolated facilities they have, doctors and specialists are mobilizing, but...We're expecting a seventy-eight percent fatality rate." 

"I see," Saber swallowed back his sudden sense of grief and inadequacy, "What are our orders regarding Jesse Blue?" 

The Commander's face went blank, and Saber remembered that one of her sons had died in an attack lead by Jesse. The woman suddenly looked very old, then she recovered, "Cavalry Command has requested that a councilor from each of the settlements be sent to Yuma, there will be a meeting to discuss what information he may be able to give us. You are to keep guard over Blue and see that he does not escape." 

Almost on cue an alarm went off in the Command Center. Saber barely glanced away from the Comm-Screen, "Colt, would you?" 

Colt nodded as he rose from his saddle unit, "On my way, Top Sword." 

* * * *   
_I thought I was okay alone_   
_Wait for the postman and the telephone_   
_Lost in a world of my own_   
_I thought I could run alone_   
_Thought I could run through the night alone_

the darkness hurt, the light burned. everywhere was pain. from the inside, from the outside. being ripped apart, being pieced together. I am become Death... there was nothing to feel the pain, but there was pain nonetheless. pain. threads of agony cutting through the mind, probing answers, ripping questions, a insatiable demand for knowledge. love masked in soft trapping of hatred. I am become Death... long sharp fingers...bones? no, metal, bladed fingered caresses along the throat. sweet razor kisses. soft sound of needles clicking. a long scarf of grey wool, softer than a kitten's fur. sweet warm soft laughter. mother? I am become Death... smoke. sorry, so sorry. scarlet sun bleeding on a snow field. running. running to. running from. hitting a wall, no wall. only emptiness. fire forming the ground, melting the ground. sharp fingers. machines, i am. give me your first kiss. give me your broken soul. give me that kitten from when you were eight. give me your excitement. give me making love. on a mushroom cloud. I am become Death.... phantom cybercore. blue eyes. laughing, laughing, laughing. love me. hate me. i own you. green eyes, no pupil, no white. an arm here, an arm there. open up. let's see what happens when i do this. poke. it went blorp. your liver went blorp. did you know your heart had gone moldy? its grey and fuzzy now. here's a new one. bright and shiny, made of titanium alloy and silicon. oh lookit...new reno... want to play now? oh lookit...new reno...all gone...ha...ha...ha...ha...a real ball of fire... 

I am become Death, Shatterer of Worlds 

_* * * *_   
_Hand over hand_   
_Doesn't seem so much_   
_Hand over hand_   
_Is the strength of the common touch_

Jesse tried to surge up as he regained consciousness, his throat already raw from screaming, but he met resistance. In his panic he ignored the nagging voice in his head telling him he was safe, and violently pushed the cage off him. Near sobs threatened to choke him, as his eyes stung from unshed tears. He stumbled off the medical bench, and crashed into a cabinet of supplies. Attempting to get his bearings he tripped over the smashed critical care cage. Jesse let out a near comical squeak as he found himself face flat on the floor. 

'Okay not my smoothest reaction to awaking up from a nightmare,' Jesse jibed himself as he fully woke up. He carefully took stock of the situation. He had surrendered to the Star Sheriffs, and was on board Ramrod. Hopefully as far away from Nemesis as was possible now. Jesse groaned and pushed himself up onto his knees, 'Oh gods...well at least I don't feel like I'm breathing fire now, leg's feeling pretty good too. Blasted nanocytes. Now, to get up.' Jesse hefted himself back upright, '_that_ was a mistake...' he thought dizzily, clutching heavily the edge of the medi-comp to keep from returning to the floor 

Hearing the commotion as he approached the medical center, Colt had drawn his gun. Now he let the door slide open, before he cautiously poked his head around the doorframe. All he saw was Jesse Blue standing by the medi-comp, looking all the world like he was about to faint. Then he saw the remains of the critical care cage and the crumpled edge of the medi-comp. 

Jesse turned and looked Colt. His eyes focused first on the gun, then up on Colt's steel blue eyes. With a decided lack of concern, he ignored them both and sat back down in the medical bench, "Sorry," he said lightly, insincerely, and sarcastically, as he looked at the damage he had done to the medical center, "I had a bad dream." 

"Bad dream?" Colt snorted disbelievingly, "Right, pardner, you just up and destroy the place 'cause poor little Jesse had a nightmare? Bull balls!" 

Jesse just glared back at him tiredly. 

"Saber may think you're no threat, but I know better," Colt stated decisively, re-aiming the Colt at Jesse's head. 

"I'm injured, exhausted and half-starved. Oh! What a tremendous threat I am, you _stupid_ cowpoke!" Jesse sneered, "Tell me, Colt, did that schoolmarm marry you so she could have a ready example of the dangers of being a deliberately and blindly ignorant dolt?" 

Colt tensed, his finger was aching to squeeze the trigger. He snorted in disgust, and lowered his revolver, "You know, turncoat, you haven't changed," Colt turned away, "that's sorta sad." 

Jesse bit his lip as he watched Colt radio the command center that everything was A-Okay in the medical center. 

"So, you going to chain me down? Or take me to the brig?" Jesse asked casually, swinging his legs up to the bench and laying back. 

"Top Sword seems to think you'll stay put if we just leave you here," Colt answered unhappily. 

"You don't think that," Jesse shot back as he thought, 'and that wasn't what Saber Rider said to me, but I'll be damned before I tell you that.' 

"I think this is all some of sorta trap." 

"Maybe," Jesse sighed, his voice fading to a sleepy murmur, "but I _have_ changed, Colt. More then you know." 

Colt spun to face Jesse, but the teal haired man was apparently asleep. Colt stalked over to stand over the turncoat. It would be so easy to give Jesse a good smacking about, after all who was more likely to be believed? A traitor claiming an unprovoked attack? Or a hero claiming self-defense when confronted with an escaping prisoner? A vision rose before his eyes of his three little girls. He closed his eyes, and nodded. 'They deserve better Daddy than that,' he thought, 'and he's not worth it.' 

There was a bit of noise, barely a whimper. It caught Colt by surprise, and his eyes popped open. Jesse's face was tensed and unhappy, his mouth set in grim line. 

'Sonovagun, he is having nightmares.' But Colt caught himself before his paternal instinct manifested itself, and he reached out to soothe the nightmare away. He turned on his heels and left the medical center, leaving Jesse to begin screaming himself hoarse again. 

_* * * *_   
_You talk as we walk along_   
_You never imagined I could be so wrong_   
_Humming your favorite song_   
_You know I've hated that song for so long_

April sat hunched over the consoles of her saddle unit. She was shaking, and she couldn't pinpoint why. Well, she could make a well educated guess, but if she did that she wasn't sure if she could control herself. 

"April?" Saber's gentle voice cut through her turmoil, "Are you going to be all right?" 

April turned to look up at her friend and commander. 

"I hope so, Saber," she said, "I just never...I don't know why...why did he have to play hero now?" she half growled, half wailed. 

Saber remained silent, but he crouched down so he was eye level to her and held out his arms. 

April leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him, their respective armors making a terrible clanging noise as he closed his arms around her. 

"Why? Why wasn't he there when New Reno was attacked? Why couldn't he have saved them? Why is he here now? Why isn't he dead?!??" April rasped, tears falling, feeling so hot that she absently wondered if they were burning her face. 

Saber simply let his own tears start to fall. He knew who she was talking about, and lacked any answers to give her. He knew also that she what hadn't asked was just as important: why was Jesse alive when Fireball was dead? It was concept, Saber knew, too painful for her to verbalize. 

April withdrew from Saber's arms, wiping her eyes with her fingers. 

"Thanks," she gave him a shaky grin, "I needed that." 

"Any time, April," Saber returned with his own sad smile, "I needed it too." 

"Saber...?" April had returned her attention to her readouts. 

"Yes, April?" 

"Jesse should be in the brig," she refused to meet his eyes. 

Saber nodded, standing, "I understand." 

"You're not going to put him there, are you?" 

"No." 

"Why?" 

Now it was his turn not to meet her eyes, "April, he was badly injured." 

"And you took care of him, now he should be in the brig," April stubbornly insisted again. 

Saber sighed, exhaustion and grief making his voice slightly sharp, "April, I can't put him the brig. I don't think he would stay there if I did. Jesse seems content to stay voluntarily in the medical center. If I try and put him in the brig, he'd just get out. He'd look at it as challenge. Do you _want_ him wandering around Ramrod?" 

April frowned, but ended up sighing, "Do you think I would design a brig he could get out of, Saber?" 

"April," Saber began, then stopped, "April, I have every confidence in your abilities. But Jesse Blue is capable of anything..." 

"Which is why he should be..." April cut him off only to be cut off in turn. 

"...Should be in the brig," Saber snapped, "April, I'm beginning to think you don't trust my judgment, or my abilities as a commander," his voice took on a dangerous edge, "Is that the case, April?" 

"No _sir_," April responded coldly. 

Saber cursed himself for being so harsh, "April, I think you should return to your quarters and rest, this has been a long a difficult day." 

"Is that an order, _sir_?" 

"Do I have to make it one, April?" Saber sounded genuinely regretful. 

April glanced back up at him, and her eyes softened a bit, "No." 

She rose from her saddle unit and yawned stretching. She smiled sadly at Saber again as she passed him to leave, "just remember you have to get some rest too, Top Sword." 

"Will do, April, will do." 

Saber had a few minutes of blessed silence before the comm-unit beeped at him. He tapped at the blinking light, and got it on the second try. 

"Saber Rider here." 

"Commander Rider, this is Daniel Jensen of Yuma Associate Media. We've heard rumors that..." 

Saber sat bolt upright, "This a classified frequency! I suggest you get off it, before you're charged with a violation of New Frontier safety." 

"Is it true that you've capture Jesse..." the newshound's question was abruptly cut off as Saber canceled the transmission, then sent one of his own to Cavalry Command; someone's head was going to roll for this screw-up. 

* * * *

As the new of rising death toll from Mihara spread, a second wave of fear and paranoia swept over the New Frontier. The councilor departing for Yuma were barraged with questions and requests. Most of the requests were demands that that particular settlement get the most protection because it supplied this or that absolutely vital to the survival of the new frontier material. Most of the questions could never be answered. 

When the day came that all the representatives were gathered on Yuma, Ramrod descended from its orbit to land in the central compound of Cavalry Command's headquarters. The Cavalry Command Press Corps all pressed against the clear barrier separating them from the actually landing site. 

The boarding ramp folded down, and there was sudden rush of the silence. The tapping of the metal boots was deafening even in the open air. April was the first to emerge. She ignored the rippling hubbub, instead looking up to the main building's observation lounge windows. She paused and smiled when she saw a tiny face pressed against the glass and a tiny hand waving frantically. 

After April came the confirmation of the rumors the press corps had been hearing. With Saber on one side and Colt the other, Jesse Blue came marching down the ramp. Later, as many of the reporters compared notes, they agreed the most frightening quality of the former Outrider Commander was how normal he seemed and how in control. Jesse wore worn brown cowboy boots, blue jeans, a brown leather belt, a dark grey shirt, and a brown cowboy hat. He looked like an ordinary man. The only notable features were the braid draped over his shoulder and the manacles that bound his wrists together behind his back. Just...an ordinary man. Except when the one time he turned to look at them. 

No one's eyes should ever be that hard, or hold that much hatred, that much pity, that much sorrow. 

* * * *   
_How can we ever agree?_   
_Like the rest of the world_   
_We grow farther apart_

The room was spacious. Its ceiling a series of cream coloured arches. Even with the security barriers locked down just the suggestion of the floor to ceiling windows conveyed an illusion of openness. Unfortunately it was all lost to an irrational sense of claustrophobia settling over its occupants. They seemed incapable of doing anything other than huddle together in the center the room, and fill the room with a dull hum of unnaturally hushed whispers. Even the bright clear light shining down from above developed a murky imaginary haze in their minds. 

The Cavalry Commanders separated themselves from the crowd and settled themselves in the front of the display screen at the far end of the room. Most stood tall at attention, hands behind their backs, they looked more confident of themselves than they were. General Whitehawk, the senior Commanders and the special representative from Jarr took their places at the long table in front of the screen. 

The representatives of the Settlements took their places at the tables set up in a "U" shape, facing the view screen. They were all too aware of the absence their colleague from New Reno, and of the frail, shell-shocked appearance of Mihara's representative. 

There was a collective, condemning frown as the Star Sheriffs entered the room, or rather a collective, condemning frown directed at their captive, who just rolled his eyes. They came to stand midway between the Commander and the representatives. 

Saber caught General Whitehawk's eye, and then glanced at Jesse. General Whitehawk nodded. Saber moved to remove the manacles from Jesse. 

But a thunk was heard as they dropped almost to the floor, only caught by the heel of Jesse's boot. Jesse back-kicked them up into his hands. And with just the barest trace of smile presented them to Saber. 

Saber bit his lip, and took them, "I suppose I should be thankful you didn't do that outside," he breathed in the low voice. 

"Nah, I wouldn't have done that to you," Jesse responded, ignoring the stir his antic had created. 

General Whitehawk loudly cleared his throat, catching the room's attention. He launched in a preamble recap of their current situation. Several representatives noticeably turned green from his clipped description of the attack on Mihara and the on-going aftermath. Then the General turned his attention to the traitor standing before them all. 

What he said came as no surprise to Jesse. Most it was so old to him that it seemed pathetic to know that the New Frontier hadn't been able to get over it yet. The floor was opened up to queries from the representatives. They were all unimportant questions that received one-word answers from him, and one that only earned Commander Eagle a raised eyebrow and a dismissive shrug. Jesse couldn't believe the petty interests that were being aired. Some questions/comments were downright offensive. The representative from New Wichita never realized how close to having his spleen fed to him for a less than polite comment about Jesse's parentage; although Saber had seen Jesse's calloused hands flex and clench. 

Finally Commander Eagle asked, "How far along are the Outriders plans?" 

"You are already dead," Jesse's calm voice froze the blood in everyone's veins. In his sad eyes were the reflections of a charnel house's inhabitants, reflections of their own faces, "And it's only a short matter of time before he corrects the little technicality that you're still breathing." 

_I swear you don't listen to me_   
_Holding my hand to my heart_   
_Holding my fist to my racing heart_

From there the room rapidly descended in a melting pot of chaotic noise. Questions. Accusations. Grandstanding Statements. Paranoid Fears. Delusion Of Importance. Demands That Jesse Be Locked Away At Once. All bounced through the hall, as each representative tried to make him or herself heard. Half Cavalry Command tried to restore order, while the other half bombarded Jesse with questions about the size of the Outrider forces. 

"May I speak!" Jesse shouted over the din, "Listen to me!" 

The room went deadly silent as hostile eyes came to rest on one of the bones of contention. 

"You are arguing about something that should be the farthest from your mind right now. You all are facing something that you have never faced before. This not just a resurgence of the Outriders. They are _dead_. This is a single insane Outrider, Nemesis, who no longer cares about anything but revenge. He doesn't want your settlements, he doesn't want your resources, and he doesn't want anything you think he wants. He wants the total annihilation of the New Frontier, of your home planets. I would have thought Mihara and New Reno would have shown you that. He will hunt down every single human in the universe if he has to. He has created the single most destructive automated armed force ever seen in this galactic cluster. You will not, as you are no doubt thinking, be able to confuse the AIs. They have one purpose: attack until their target is destroyed, or they are destroyed. And they are tougher than you think, because you've only seen a fraction of them," Jesse took a breath, "Yes, I did what I did. And you want to know something, I don't regret it, I feel no remorse. Because I can't change what happened by doing that, and I wouldn't anyway. I _can_ change the _future_. The way you are heading now, the way you're behaving now, you will doom the human race. I can stop that. And that is the choice before you now. Condemn me now, and you condemn yourselves. Or let me fight in this war, then, after Nemesis is defeated, you can try me, and mete whatever perverse notion of justice you currently believe in. I won't stop you." 

"You're very sure of yourself," one of the nameless councilors called out, "What makes you think you'll make a difference in this war." 

Jesse straightened up, and fixed the man with a cold deadly glare, "Because I am **the_ best_**." 

The room fell silent once again. 

Saber Rider looked to General Whitehawk, who nodded, "We will consider this, Blue. Now if you let Saber Rider escort you to..." 

"My cell?" Jesse finished. 

"To secure quarters," Whitehawk glared back at Jesse. 

Jesse turned to Saber, "Lead on, TinStar." 

Saber re-secured Jesse's wrists with the cuffs, only half-heartedly believing Jesse would keep them on any longer then he had before. He took hold of Jesse's elbow and led him from the council chamber. 

Jesse behaved docilely enough. The only time he showed any indication of noncompliance was when a guard made a loud sneering comment about him. He surged slightly towards the man. But then Jesse looked over at Saber and reigned in his temper. Much to Saber Rider's surprise, Jesse seemed almost to be seeking his approval. 

They twisted through the labyrinthine corridors of Cavalry Command Central. The pair finally stopped in front of gunmetal grey door. 

"Hmm, very welcoming," Jesse smiled slyly. 

"It's better than most places the council wanted to place you, I'm sure," Saber tapped in a code on the blank keypad. 

"Hmm, I bet," Jesse responded, his icy eyes expressing his distaste when he saw the sterile decor of his "secure" quarters, "A bit spartan don't you think?" 

Saber shrugged, and gestured for him to go through the door. 

Jesse just stood in the doorway, "Not even institutional green, just flat grey metal." 

Looking at Jesse carefully, Saber saw there was a fine tremble running through Jesse's frame. 

_I command_

He took Jesse's elbow again and half-pulled, half-pushed him through the doorway. 

Jesse shot Saber a dull glare as he staggered a bit, "Forget your manners, TinStar?" 

"No, I simply don't have the time to be polite, _you _don't have the time," Saber answered, his voice weary. He removed the manacles, and watched Jesse rub his wrists, "I have no doubt I'll be sent to retrieve you when they've come to their decision." 

With that Saber Rider turned and left, the metal door sliding soundlessly into place. 

Jesse looked around the room. All around him was nothing but dull metal, the only breaks being the grey seemingly colourless bedclothes. Not a window, nor a vid-screen to be seen. Not even a tacky holograph of flowers decorated the walls. Just dull metal. It was like being inside a machine. Panicked nausea rose through him. He turned back to the sealed door. 

'I have to get out of here.' 

* * * * 

_Take a walk outside myself_   
_In some exotic land_

He had found a sheltered, well-shadowed alcove off the corridor. He could still hear the bustle of the people all around, even see peeks of people as they tripped over themselves to complete the tasks they found oh so important, but wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to the rest of the New Frontier if the counsel was stubborn. Jesse leaned back against the wall, his eyes half-closed. This was ridiculous. They were arguing over their own survival. Jesse yawned. 

'They could be facing another Mihara at any moment and they were huddled in a room discussing a dead past,' he thought, 'Or worse New Reno. New Reno...' he shook his head, 'something wrong with the vents?' he wondered. The air felt like soggy cotton. 

He caught a flash of light out of the corner of his eye. 

'What was that?' 

Jesse tried to turn to look, but everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. His body felt as if it were made of lead. A dulled wall of screams slowly worked its way towards him. The people walking down the hall didn't seem to hear them coming. The corridor become orange-black as waves of heat crashed through it. A passing technician didn't seem to notice her skin charring and melting as she haggled over some minor detail in a report with a scorched skeleton. 

Jesse had to force his hand up to rub his eyes, but it was incredibly draining. The corridor's inhabitants were still acting like everything was normal, despite the inferno. But he could see a figure walking toward him, bursts of lasers dancing about it. Jesse could not make out who it was, didn't want to, but the floor beneath the figure's feet transformed into molten rock. A whispering, mocking laughter swirled in the ash-filled air cutting through the screams like a razor. 

'This is New Reno. I'm back on New Reno. How did I get back here? No, this is Yuma. I'm on Yuma. This isn't happening again. Help me. It can't happen again. Please help me.' 

_The lightning's hand._

He was jarred as something bumped into him, knocking him free of his waking nightmare. 

_Greet a passing stranger_   
_Feel the strength in her hand_   
_Feel my world expand_

Jesse looked down and saw a pretty, little girl with mischievous, smiling aqua eyes staring back up at him. 

"Excuse me, mister!" she sung, "I'm sorry, mister!" 

"It's...it's all right," He managed. The little girl had long dark brown hair in pigtails, and only came up to his hip in height. She was only a child, but it was nice to have one person approach him without either fear or loathing in their eyes, 'Still, something...something about her...oh gods...' 

"Are you okay, mister?" the little girl asked, as she took his hand, "you look awful!" 

"I was nearly asleep on my feet," Jesse replied, relaxing, grinning slightly at the childish lack of tact. 

"You were sleep walking? I sleepwalk sometimes," again the girl's eyes glittered with mischief, "I sleepwalked right to the cookie jar," and she giggled. 

Jesse found his hand wrapping around her little one, "well, did it work?" 

"Huhuh, Daddy was raiding the fridge. He sent me back to bed," she shrugged. She squeezed his hand, and tugged him to come down to hear a secret, "he gave me a cookie anyway," she whispered gleefully. 

Jesse chuckled, "your daddy must be a big softie," he replied, just slightly wistful. 

She nodded, "but don't let anyone know." 

"'Fraid, I don't know who he is," Jesse let go of her hand, but stayed crouched down to talk to her, "so the secret's safe with me." 

"He's the head of Cavalry Command," the girl said matter of factly, nothing but innocence in her eyes now. 

"Your daddy's General Whitehawk?!?" Jesse stood up in shock. 

"Yep!" The little girl tilted her head up to look him in the eye, and solemnly said, "And I'm gonna be the head of Cavalry Command too someday. I'm gonna fill Daddy's shoes." 

There was a scuffle of hurried footsteps, and an achingly familiar voice calling, "Esperanza! Esperanza!?! Where have you gotten to? Esperanza!" 

"Mom!" the little girl, Esperanza, called back, "Over here, Mom!" 

Jesse felt like sinking into the floor, even if his face didn't show it. Instead he leaned back, smirked insouciantly, and waited. 

"Esperanza, how often have I told you..." Trista trailed off when she saw Jesse, "Esperanza, I want you go back to our quarters, right now." 

"But Momma, we were talking!" Esperanza insisted. 

"Go right now, Esperanza. Mommy is not in the mood to discuss this right now," Trista ordered firmly, gently pushing her daughter behind and away from her, "Why don't you draw a pretty picture for Daddy? I'm sure that will brighten his day." 

Esperanza hesitated, but after seeing the tense look on her mother's face, she ran off half skipping. She turned back once to wave good-bye to Jesse. 

_I feel my spirit resist_   
_But I open up my fist_

Unbidden Jesse's eyes followed Esperanza until she turned the corner. He wanted to call her back. 

Trista swallowed fearfully as she saw the strange hunger enter Jesse's eyes. She glanced over her shoulder to make her daughter was gone. 

"Stay away from her." 

Jesse looked back at Trista. He looked her over. She had changed very little. She looked older, yes. And her hair was longer and pinned up, but otherwise she was looked very much like the pretty, young woman he had seduced nearly eight years before. 

"Why would I want to have anything to do with some bastard you whelped?" 

For a moment Trista thought she was going to scream, then she saw Jesse's eyes pulled back to the last spot Esperanza had been before she disappeared around the corner, "Just stay away from her. She's a happy little girl. She doesn't need you screwing up her life." 

Jesse glared at Trista, but his voice was softer than anyone would have expected, "Why would I want to screw up her life?" 

"Just don't," Trista said sadly, "Now, I have to get back," and she turned away. 

Jesse caught her arm, "you can swear to me that she's happy?" he asked in a low voice. 

Trista didn't look him, "she has a mother who adores her, a stepfather who loves her nearly beyond reason, and lots of friends to play with. Why wouldn't she be happy? I can think of only one thing that could change that." 

Jesse let go of Trista's arm, and she began to walk away. He called after her with one last question. 

"Trista, why Whitehawk?" 

Trista stood very still for a moment, then left Jesse alone in the corridor, his question unanswered. 

Jesse felt a wave of loneliness sweep over him. Maybe wandering the halls of Cavalry Command wasn't as entertaining as he thought they would be. He turned back to the now empty corridor and wended his way back to his "secure" quarters. 

'Damned fools. Do they really think they can mask a cell with just words?' he wondered as he turned the final corner, "oops," he smirked to himself. 

The four Star Sheriffs, and one other, a tall, curvy red-head, were gathered around the door to his quarters looking deeply puzzled as Saber Rider tapped in the lock's combination yet again. 

"Try tapping the blue light four time and green twice," he said as he came up behind them causing them to jump. 

"What the heck?!?" Colt yelped as he tossed a punch towards Jesse. 

"How?" was what Saber wanted to know. 

April looked as if she had just swallow poison, but said nothing. The shoulder of her shirt rumpled slightly. 

The redhead just shrugged condescendingly. 

Jesse leaned against the wall, "Well? What is my fate? Four centuries of solitary confinement, hard labor, and bread and water? Or has the council decided to reinstate the death penalty for my case?" 

"The council has considered what you said," Saber announced, "They will allow you limited freedom for the duration of the conflict. You will be confined on board Ramrod acting as an advisor, unless you are accompanied by one of us. After the conflict ceases, you will be put on trial for your crimes. However, General Whitehawk and I persuaded them that your cooperation now be kept in consideration when that time comes," Saber looked at the closed and locked door of Jesse's quarters and frowned, "this little escapade however..." 

The public address system blared to life drowning out whatever else Saber Rider had to say. 

"The settlement of NeoKansas has reported a sighting of a fleet of Outrider Ghidoraus entering their system. Repeat, NeoKansas has reported sighting Ghidoraus entering their system. Ramrod Team to the launch pad immediately," and variations of the message began to repeat. The five gathered there looked slightly stunned. 

"Nemesis must be accelerating his schedule for armageddon," Jesse muttered fretfully. 

Saber shouted over the sudden noise erupting through the building, "this can wait." 

The team turned as one, and rushed to the equalizer unit. 

_Lay hand over hand over_   
_Hand over fist_

_* * * *_

_End Part Three_

Notes:   
OY! Can you say this part ended rather abruptly? I knew you could ^_^   
The song, if you haven't guessed, is **_Hand Over Fist_** by Rush (and for anyone who's heard the song...yes, I did change one word). And, nope, don't have any rights to it...nor to the characters, except maybe Esperanza and the tall, curvy red head.   
Jesse's clothing: In case anyone's wondering, he had them in the Badlander.   
And just how did he get out of those "secure" quarters? ^_^ (Star Sheriffs, and the rest of Cavalry Command, repeat after me: Just because nothing turned up on the scanners does not mean you can forego doing a through search of your prisoner. And Saber Rider you really should have known better!)   
And how did Jesse know that Colt and Robin were married?   
I'll get to who the tall redhead is in part four...but her name is Debbie Mason and some of you...well...you already know who she is and why she's there! ^_~   
Oh, heh, no, the "four" is not a typo, or carelessness on my part...^_^ 


	6. Medley: Dreams, Nightmares, And Miracles...

**Heart Of Madness**   
Part Four   
Medley: Dreams, Nightmares,   
and Miracles Out Of Nowhere 

*****

_"It is no secret. I shall now stop off at home, on Sadovaya,_   
_and later, at ten o'clock, there will be a meeting of MASSOLIT,_   
_at which I shall be chairman"_   
_"No, it is impossible," the foreigner rejoined firmly._   
_"And why?"_   
_"Because," replied the foreigner, squinting up at the sky where black birds darted silently in anticipation of the coolness of the evening, "because Annushka had already bought the sunflower oil, and not only bought it, but spilled it too. So that meeting will not take place." [1]_

*****

"Well, that was nearly shot to hell in a hand basket," Jesse growled as he pulled himself up from the floor, "what did Cavalry Command teach you to fly? A truck?" 

Debbie rolled her eyes, "as if you would have done any better," she scoffed. 

"Hmm, so nearly splattering us all against the moon is the latest in hot-shot flying techniques?" Jesse purred dangerously. 

"Jesse, Debbie, shut up!" Saber snarled, as he tracked the battlecruisers' movements, "Bank hard now!" 

Ramrod rolled to avoid the volley of plasma belching from one of the twisting appendages of the many Ghidoraus. NeoKansas' defense force hadn't stood a chance against the writhing battlecruisers. The sheriffs were hard pressed themselves. 

Nemesis must have used Mihara to take measure of Ramrod's counter-attack abilities. Now it seemed as if the Ghidoraus at least a half more deadly in their firepower, and thrice as fast. Ramrod was taking a pounding unlike anything it had faced before. 

And there wasn't even a renegade unit present. 

In any case, Jesse found himself on the floor of Ramrod's control center once again. 

'How the hell am I suppose to be advising these idiots,' he silently seethed, 'when I can't even stay on my feet?' 

He crawled over to the central bank of computers, and, griping the handle of a repair access panel, he pulled himself to his knees. He was just able to see the main screen. 

"Oh shit" 

There was no other sight on the screen save the enormous bulk of a Ghidoraus cruiser coming head on towards the equalizer unit. At Cavalry Command, who had been listening in on the sheriffs and monitoring the battle, all they heard was a dead silence; all aboard Ramrod were holding their collective breath. 

Then with a grace impossible for something so large, the Ghidoraus rolled out of the way. Well, mostly out of the way. There was horrifying shuddering in the control center, as a side of Ramrod's outer paneling was scraped and torn. The equalizer unit found itself in an uncontrolled tumble. 

Finally the silence of Ramrod's bridge was broken by shouts and screams as the sheriffs struggled to get their ship back under control. It took all their efforts but Ramrod ceased its rotation. 

"Where'd they go?" Colt wondered aloud, voicing everyone's thoughts. 

The space around what was left of NeoKansas was devoid of any Outrider battlecruisers. 

Saber looked over at Jesse, "Any ideas?" 

Slowly shaking his head, Jesse surveyed the scene, "Not a clue, something doesn't feel right. Nemesis wouldn't call his ships back unless he has something else planned." 

"Well, whatever he's planning, we're not going to be able to face it unless Ramrod is repaired," April declared tiredly. She had completely re-fitted Ramrod, and it had been about as useful as a wetsuit in the desert. 

"Agreed," Saber gave a short nod, "is Ramrod able to make it back to base without assistance, April?" 

"Yes, but I need to shut down nearly all the port side stabilizers. It's going to be rough trip home, guys." 

With that Ramrod began its limping journey back to Yuma. 

***** 

_When eyes meet in silence_   
_A pact can be made_   
_A life-long alliance_   
_That won't be betrayed_   
_Be friendly,_   
_Befriend me now... [2]_

Despite the equalizer unit disturbing tendency to try and spiral, the sheriffs managed to take advantage of the prolonged trip time to relax. April, having shouldered the lion's share of the temporary repair work, begged off and went to collapse in her bed. The remainder, still too high on adrenaline, gathered in Ramrod's lounge/meeting room. 

Saber, Colt, and Debbie (Ramrod's new pilot, as tall as Saber, with a mane fiery red curling hair to match her friendly, if brash manner) sat around the table, playing a lazy, loose card games. Jesse curled himself up on a couch in a corner, was reading an old novel he had some how gotten out of Saber's quarters. If truth be told, Jesse seemed more interested in surreptitiously watching the others. Saber, just as covertly, was keeping an eye on Jesse, hoping for a chance to draw him out; this war was going to have to be united effort and that mean they all had to be comfortable as possible with one another. 

"Hope the base bookstore's open when we get back," Colt drawled as he lay down his hand, "I was thinking it'd be nice to get my girls that book they've been bugging us about." 

"Royal flush," Debbie grinned as she lay her hand down as well, "What book?" 

" Ben Aday's 'Danny and the Red Banana'; the girls have been waiting this one for a long time," Colt explained. 

Jesse nearly dropped his book. He stared at the back of Colt's head, and mouthed, "'Danny and the Red Banana '?!?" to himself, his face freezing with an expression mixed of amused horror and disbelief. 

Saber blinked, then had to hide his own reaction to the look on Jesse's face. It was too funny. 

"That's the sequel to 'Danny and Two Blue Oranges', right?" Saber asked, hoping to obliquely explain to Jesse that these were 'let's learn colours and number' books for children. However, at the sound of the other title, Jesse's eyes only got wider and his expression a little more stunned. 

"Yep," Colt nodded. 

Shaking his head, Jesse resumed, or tried to resume reading his book. 

"Why don't we do something useful and really get to know each other?" Debbie smiled as she raked in the poker chips. 

"Excellent suggestion, Debbie," Saber said quickly, "perhaps we all should make the attempt to bolster our team spirit," he gave a quick glance over at Jesse. 

"Yeah, well, how we suppose to do that, Top Sword," Colt scratched his head, "I mean you know me." 

"Does he really?" Debbie asked lightly, "I've kept secrets from my twin and she's identical. So you can never say you really know a person," she pause thought for a moment, then her eyes went 'bingo!' "How about embarrassing secret habits? Stuff your closest friends don't even know." 

Colt nodded backwards, gesturing towards Jesse, "ya' think that's such a good idea." 

"A fine idea," Saber persisted, "I'll go first. My most embarrassing secret habit is that I read the endings of novels before I finish them." 

Jesse looked up again from his novel, and shook his head. A smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

"That's...interesting," Debbie said in a tone that suggested she thought it was rather boring habit to confess to, "I save chewing gum." 

"Excuse me?" Colt raised an eyebrow, "save chewing gum?" 

"You know, I've already chewed it, but then I have to do something that requires I not chew it, so I take it out, wrap it in wax paper, and save it for later," Debbie explained. 

Both Colt and Saber looked like they were going to gag. 

"That's disgusting!" Colt sputtered. 

Debbie shrugged, "I did say embarrassing secrets. So Colt, what's yours?" 

Colt felt a sudden flush creep over his face, "I, uh, well, I sometimes..." the rest was lost in a mumble. 

"What was that?" Saber queried. 

"I said I sometimes look at, well, you know, those types of websites not appropriate for kids." 

Debbie appeared to understand was he was getting at and giggled a bit. But Saber looked at him blankly. 

Colt blushed even redder, "ah, you know, Top Sword, uhm, sites where ladies don't have no clothes on." 

There was a muffled, sniggered, "Why am I not surprised?" from behind him. 

"What about you, Jesse? Any disgusting habits you wouldn't want anyone to know? Besides betraying your kind, o'course?" Colt asked, twisting around to look at Jesse. 

Saber Rider frowned at Colt. The idea was to try and establish some sort of rapport with Jesse, not drive him further away. 

Jesse shut the book he was trying to read. He shot Colt a glance that would have frozen lava. He rose from his chair and stalked over to the door. He paused and looked back at the trio. He bit his lip. He looked from face to face, finally being caught by Saber's eyes. He asked for more than he knew he deserved; Saber slightly nodded. 

"I bite my toenails," then he was out the door. 

Saber raised his eyebrows as looked from Colt to Debbie. They both shrugged. They were all astonished Jesse had even answered. 

Finally Colt yawned and searched, "How about we call it a night?" 

*****

_"That was how you got to be a power in the land, he thought. You never cared a toss about whatever anyone else thought and you were never, ever, uncertain about anything." [3]_   


Commander Eagle was waiting with Charles when Ramrod touched down. He could barely hold on to the squirming little boy when they saw the ramp finally touch the ground. For unbearably moment he thought perhaps something had happened, that, despite the frequent communications, the sheriffs were incapacitated somehow. 

April and Colt finally quietly walked down. 

Charles let out a surprisingly loud whoop, and wriggled his way out of his grandfather's arms. He was half way to his mother before anyone could react. He was nearly flying when he jumped to try and hug his mother around her waist; he ended up hugging her thigh. Turning his face up to her, and with all the innocent common sense of a three year old, he began to chatter to her his latest preschool adventures. 

April looked down into his big brown eyes almost blankly. Mechanically, she reached down and took him up in her arms. Only then, when the warmth of son was in her arms, did it register that he was actually there, and her arms tightened as if she were trying to mold him back into her flesh. 

Colt watched with a quiet, envious smile. He silently bide her goodbye with his eyes. He nodded to the Commander, then set off to return to his own family. 

"April," Commander Eagle held out his arms to embrace his daughter and grandson. 

After a few moments they broke apart; Charles had begun giggling at the scratchiness of Eagle's whiskers. Eagle stepped and seriously looked his daughter over. 

'She looks as if she'll shatter in the slightest wind,' he thought despondently, 'she's not as ready to deal with this without Fireball, as she likes to think.' But he forced a smile; she would only bristle under his concern. 

"It was rough, Dad," April began, unconsciously rocking side to side, Charles' head resting on her shoulder, "Nemesis has built some extremely complex ships." 

"So we gathered from the data you sent during the battle," Eagle replied, "we're going to go over with a fine-toothed comb," he nodded to Debbie as she left Ramrod, "and I'm going to have a discussion with Blue about why he failed to mention that those Ghidoraus could split in three." 

"Not quite into three, Dad, they just sort of developed three separate extended bows, like a three-headed dragon," April darkly scowled, "damn things nearly ripped us apart." 

"Mommy?!!?" 

The two adults looked at the child they had so quickly forgotten was there. His eyes were huge with fear. 

April looked back at her father, "I'm going to take him home. Say goodbye to Grandpa now, Charles," she made her voice light, "We'll all have dinner together later, I promise." 

"Of course," Eagle nodded, accepting his daughter's indirect dinner invitation, "We'll finish that puzzle then, Charles," he leaned over and kissed both their foreheads, "Until later." 

April sort of bobbed, and then went off, letting Charles babble at her about what he wanted for dinner. 

Eagle, followed by considerable number of junior officers, went up Ramrod's ramp where Saber Rider met him. 

"Permission to come aboard," the senior commander asked of the other commander. 

"Sir," Saber saluted, and they fell in step with one another as they headed towards to Ramrod's meeting room/lounge. 

"I didn't want to ask April, but how bad is it really, Saber?" Commander Eagle asked hesitantly. 

Quiet for a moment, Saber looked to the floor, "To be honest, Charles, we were badly out-gunned. If it weren't for some very questionable circumstances, we should be space debris." 

"What did Blue have to say?" 

"He hasn't said much of anything," Saber bit his lip, "I'm not certain, but I think he wasn't expecting some of the surprises Nemesis threw at us." 

"He's a very good actor," Eagle growled, "where is he now?" 

"In his quarters," Saber turned to the comm-unit, "I'll call him up here." 

"Yes," Eagle nodded. 

Saber tapped the unit, "Jesse, Commander Eagle is here and would like to speak with you." 

There was a pause before there was an answer, "Yeah, sure, gimme a few minutes." 

Eagle leaned forward, "No, **now**, Blue." 

"Okay, **now** is it then," came the sharp reply, then there was dead air. 

"Commander," Saber murmured, "I've come to realize that Jesse has to be handled with a bit more...delicacy and tact." 

One of the officer with Eagle hrumphed, while another snorted in disbelief. 

"Saber, I realize Jesse may have made himself seem harmless, perhaps even a bit vulnerable, but after having been his prisoner, I can tell you he's a devious, calculating bastard," Eagle explained, perhaps a bit patronizingly. 

Then the door to the meeting room opened. 

And Jesse came in. 

Wearing a black towel. 

While drying his hair with another towel. 

And that was it. 

"So, what's so important that it couldn't wait until I got dressed?" Jesse asked casually. 

No one said anything. 

With a shake of his head, Jesse flipped most of his hair over his shoulders. He slung the hair-drying towel over his shoulder and smiled, almost brightly. He noticed one of the female officers looking a bit more transfixed than the others. 

"See something you like, honey?" he sneered slightly, shifting a bit so that the mane of hair down his back rippled with his muscles. 

That broke the frozen silence that had settle on everyone else. Commander Eagle looked apoplectic, most of his officers looked horrified and angry, and Saber, well, Saber looked as if he were trying very hard to be angry and horrified, except his lips kept twitching into a smile. 

Finally Eagle decided pointedly and coldly to ignore Jesse's state of undress, and began to interrogate him about the recent battle. 

Jesse responded by telling Commander Eagle, in full detail, what he could do with himself, three feather dusters, a box of nails, mice, some figs and jar of honey, "...and the horse you rode in on!" 

Silence once again fell in the meeting room. 

Saber cleared his throat, "Jesse, go get dressed. We'll discuss this meeting later." 

Commander Eagle was about to countermand that order, when Jesse turned to Saber. 

"Yes, sir!" Jesse gave Saber a sincere salute, and walked out. 

Another awkward silence fell. 

"You realize that he did that to get your goat," Saber said woodenly. 

"Undoubtedly," Eagle sighed. 

"I'll try and get the information out of him later. Dealing with Jesse is like petting a porcupine," Saber tried to explain, "you have to be very careful about the direction you stroke." 

"I see," Eagle did not sound happy, "I'm going to discuss this with the council, Saber. In the mean time, whatever you get out of him gets reported immediately." 

"Yes, Sir," Saber agreed. 

Eagle and his coterie of officers left Ramrod. 

Saber sat down heavily on a couch. 

"Why me?" 

***** 

_Oh Sugar_   
_Don't you cry_   
_Oh child_   
_Wipe the tears from your eyes_   
_You know I need you to be strong_   
_And the day is as dark as the night is long_   
_Feel like trash_   
_You make me feel clean_   
_I'm in the black_   
_Can't see or be seen_   
_Baby Baby Baby light my way... [4]_

Robin sat before the mirror brushing her hair, or trying to. The brush kept slipping for her hands. 

'I should really get it cut, its almost as long as April's use to be,' she thought irrelevantly. 

Twice now the Ramrod team had faced the Outrider resurgence, and twice, from the little bits she could glean from the news reports and from Commander Eagle's slight slips, the victory, or at least the finish of the battles, had come very close to defeat. Finally she gave up and set the brush down. Robin stared in the mirror, trying to figure out why her reflection had tears streaming down her cheeks. She scrubbed her cheeks with her fists, the tears refusing to be checked. She sniffled, and caught herself. 

'Colt'll be mad at me if I end looking like some haystack-haired witch,' she tried to laugh at herself. 

Robin picked up her hairbrush again, beginning her next attempt to smooth out her hair. But her hands were slick with tears and stress sweat, and the brush slipped from them. 

And a strong familiar hand caught it. 

"Howdy Gorgeous," Colt softly drawled, as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and kissed the crown of her head softly. He breathed in her scent like dying man drinking in oxygen. 

Robin leaned back into him, letting her tears fall freely. The chill she didn't realize was surrounding her melted away under her husband's heat. 

"Shh, shh, Robin, shh, oh sweetheart," Colt dropped to his knees, and wrapped his arms around Robin's waist. He closed his eyes, and just reveled in holding his wife in his arms. 

Then came the soft pounding of small feet, and three small blurs rushed into the room. 

"DADDY!!!" 

Colt and Robin found themselves being climbed all over as their three small girls vied to get closest to their Daddy. Colt solved the problem by placing two year old twins, Cathy and Kelly on their mother's lap, and letting five year old Laura climb up on his back. One arm he twisted behind his back to keep her from falling, the other he wrapped loosely around Robin and the twins. 

Colt smiled at Robin in the mirror, and felt a moment of complete contentment when she smiled back. 

***** 

_"Don't stop, baby, dreaming"_   
_"Don't stop, baby, loving"_   
_"Don't stop, babe, believing"_   
_Don't forget..._   
_"Don't stop, baby, dreaming"_   
_"Don't stop, baby, loving"_   
_"Don't stop, babe, believing"_   
_...I will always love you,_   
_even though we're far apart. [5]_

April was exhausted from playing with and reassuring her son. Charles had been wound up tighter than spring. Dinner had been somewhat calming, in spite of herself, she had laughed when her father recounted the incident that afternoon. 

But now, with Charles in bed and her father off where ever he went off to, she crashed in her bed and tried to sleep. No matter how she shifted, or turned, she just could not get comfortable. The absence of body that was suppose to be beside her was more tangible than she ever imagine it could be. 

'This is ridiculous,' she thought depressed, 'when one of us was off-planet I slept alone.' 

April settled herself in the center of the bed and closed her eyes trying to summon sleep through a feat of will. She succeeded into fall into a fitful slumber 

If she had been awake, she would have seen the right side of the bed dipped down some, as if someone had just gotten into it. If she had been awake, she would have seen the sheets and blankets shift as someone made their way over to her side. If she had been awake, she might have screamed. 

As it was, she sighed softly as warm unseen fingers began to ruffle through her short hair and traced down the line of her jaw. April slightly turned towards them. The shoulder of her nightgown was gently pushed down. A line of soft butterfly kisses ran from her shoulder to the joint of her neck. She blindly reached out, and found hands taking hers and kissing them, nibbling them, teasing them. The buttons of her nightgown came undone, and warm hands carefully, adoringly smoothed it off her. Her arms circled around someone warm and gentle. Her breath caught as a remembered fire began to fill her. 

She sighed contentedly, sensually, again, "Fireball." 

***** 

_An innocent killer's twisted mind lost_   
_Among the broken toys of my childhood_   
_Among the cobwebs and the candyfloss_   
_Watching my deadly obsessions_   
_I delicately flirt with the nightmare lord_

a body? no, skin...dull, shiny, metal-plastic skin, clumps of wire hair. empty eyes. a mannequin, a hollow doll, such a face. so pretty, so fatal, so ugly. doll. puppet. marionette. such a familiar face. a mirror face. cracked. broken. violated. so sad. glittering black tears welled from empty eyes. empty tears. dead tears. poor dolly. so lonely. never grieved for. 

_the lightning's hand._

impossible not reach out. touch. try to comfort. black tears moving. quicksilver-like. drenching fingertips.   
shake it off! shake it off! obsidian iridescence climbing, clawing, swallowing hands, arms, torso... melting through skin. slicing through skin.   
liquid filling lungs, shredding lungs, becoming lungs. 

dancing...stumbling...dancing...laughing...dancing...flying...smiling above it all...pretty marionette...strings pulled so gently...pulled so chokingly.... 

pain and light and pleasure and darkness and destruction 

oh look other dolls want to play. such dolls. such fragile dolls. dolls that jump and scatter and _burn_. 

oh look that poor doll is broken already. smashed. such a shame. a favorite doll. fix poor red dolly. oh yes, we can **_fix _**_the doll_. 

begging (for release) begging (for pain) begging (for nothing) begging (for anything) begging (for hope) begging (for death) 

fires dance and stone dances in fluidity with it. 

laughing, laughing, joy, pleasure, destruction 

reaching out, reaching out, reaching out 

_please help me!_

and the green-eyed lord of nightmares, with amused compassion, reaching back 

***** 

_Without hesitation_   
_Without rancor_   
_Without hate_   
_A true hero reaches out_   
_To the falling lost soul_   
_Though the cost is falling himself_

He found himself drifting in a pleasant warmth, fresh wind and wild flowers. Soft laughter reached his ears and he knew that if he opened his eyes there would be his friends and family nearby having a picnic. 

Which was why it was a rude shock when someone painfully grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. His eyes flashed open. 

He did not recognize the man before him. Nor was he any where near a picnic. In fact, it seemed more like he and the stranger were in a grey void. Standing on nothing. An unexpected wave of vertigo torn through him. 

"You're dreaming, stupid," the man gave him a lope-sided smile. The man brushed back some black hair from his face, "We could do the tango here and we still wouldn't fall." 

He stepped back. 

The man's eyes were bi-coloured. One such a solid pale blue it resembled a chip of glacial ice. The other seemed filled with red at first, but then it flickered like there was a literal flame within. The man smiled again, a decidedly unpleasant smile. Then...then his eyes completely changed, in normal, human green eyes. 

"You brought this on yourself, you know, and you won't remember much," The man informed him, as his wrist was crushingly grasped again, "but remember this, it's going to be worth it." 

And he found himself being flung like a rag doll through darkness. 

The man's voice filled with a strange mixture of fondness and pity echoed in through it as well, "catch him." 

Pain 

He felt the bone-jarring, nausea-inducing impact of having a fall broken by concrete. With a supreme effort he sat up. He looked around. 

This place was familiar. If only her could remember why. 

There on the concrete was a fallen banner of some sort. He could just make out: 

**N...RE.O.........RIX**

But the missing letter were either hidden by folds in the material, or burned away. 

Burned away? 

Then the rest of this new dream-world kicked in with a vengeance. 

Piercing shrieks filled his ears. The stench of roasting flesh assailed his nostrils. 

He finally saw the panic and destruction surrounding him. There was another flood of amnesiac recognition as he saw an empty vermilion vehicle, but he couldn't name it. Nor name the stick figures carrying a carrion bundle away from it. 

He turned. 

He tried to reach out to help a woman burnt and bleeding, only to have her dissolve into ashes in his hands. 

And then he was looking down on himself looking up looking down. 

He felt a surge of delight as the ashes sifted through his fingers, as the world began to catch fire. 

He grieved that there was nothing he could do but watch the world burn. 

Pleasure and pain and light and darkness and destruction converged on his soul. 

He was enjoying this. He was horrified by it. 

_please help me_

He could see a figure walking toward him, (or was he walking towards himself?) bursts of lasers dancing about it. He could not make out who it was, (but he could, couldn't he?) didn't want to, but the ground beneath the figure's feet began to bubble up as molten rock. A whispering, mocking laughter (or were they sobs?) swirled in the ash-filled air cutting through the screams like a razor. 

It...He...came closer to him, closer to itself. 

And the pressure that had been building up erupted in a scream of self-recognition (but that's not me?). 

Saber tumbled from his bunk to the floor. His throat aching from the scream that had woken him up. For a moment he swore that his heart was going to burst out of him from the way it was pounding in his chest. 

He patted himself down and pinched himself to make sure he was really awake. The nightmare was already fading from his mind, but he would never forget the terror it evoked. It had put him through the emotional wringer. 

"Bloody hell," he gasped out, breathing hard. He stilled for a moment to collect himself, then climbed back up to sit on his bunk. 

Looking at his pillow he realized that he would be getting no more sleep tonight. 

'I'll take Steed out for a ride,' he thought to himself, 'that's always soothing.' 

He got up and quickly dressed. 

***** 

_Mental wounds not healing_   
_Life's a bitter shame..._   
_Mental wounds still screaming_   
_Driving me insane_   
_I'm going off the rails on a crazy train... [6]_

Jesse thrashed awake, still fighting the fine fluid until a very undreamlike pain tugged at his head. That woke him up completely. He moved his hand again, and yelped. 

'This is embarrassing,' he thought ruefully, 'I'm tangled up in my own hair.' 

As carefully he could, he untangled himself (with quite a few pulls that made him howl), and sat up. Jesse finally allowed himself to really look around. The room was somewhat better than the cell they had put him in at Cavalry Command's headquarters. It still had too much grey metal, but there was a view screen which could be set to view the outside, or at least some programmable landscape. It was from the dim light of that screen that he was able to contemplate his quarters. If he tried, he was fairly certain he could wrangle his way into some prints and posters to cover up most of the metal. Yawning he lay back again, only to have his hair pull again when he misjudged where it was. He sat up again, irked. 

"Okay, it's served it purpose," he said to no one, "it's time it came off." 

He swung his legs over the edge of the bunk, and stood up. There was another thing he liked about his quarters on Ramrod: a private bathroom. It was small and cramped, but it better than anything he had had in the last seven years. 

It only took four strides to get to and through the bathroom door. He reached back and tapped on the lights. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the brightness. Because of its position, he was looking directly at the mirror. 

Jesse's head snapped back in shock, his breath knocked out by surprise. His guts were hanging out. There was blood all his abdomen and legs. His hair was drenched and sticking together in thick rat-tails. Lifting up his hand he saw them hopelessly stained as well. His breath hitched, and he knew he was going to scream. He slammed his eyes shut as he hit blindly backwards to turn off the lights. 

For a long time there was nothing but the sound of deep, panicked breathing. It took a forever before Jesse worked up the courage to turn the lights back on. He slowly opened one eye, then the other. He ran a blood-free hand over his scarless belly. 

'Hold it together, Jesse,' he chided himself, 'that's all over with, you moron.' 

He calmed himself, and stepping up to the mirror he looked through the small medicine cabinet by its side. Jesse found a small pair of scissors, 'Great, this will take all night!' he thought as he began cutting his hair. 

***** 

_Death is so final to only the living_   
_The spirit will always remain [7]_

Saber petted Steed's cheek, as the mechanical horse whinnied softly. 

"S'okay lad, we're just going for a ride," he murmured soothingly, "just to clear my head," he climbed onto Steed's back, "let's go." 

Steed trotted down the ramp, then, at Saber's urging, took to the air, heading to the base's no-man's zone. Much against regulations, Saber was not wearing his helmet, enjoying the feel of the crisp night air on his face. Trusting Steed's abilities he would look up at the stars and marvel at how something as beautiful as stars could hold so much danger. 

Out here he was completely alone and, for a moment, completely at peace. Or he was, until he heard the lone engine of a motorcycle tearing across the desert. He looked down to see if it were a patrol by a base guard. It was not. 

Saber ordered Steed down to fly closer to the ground. 

No, it definitely was not a base guard. Cavalry Command uniforms were either a light tan, or a grey, this rider was wearing black, with silver lettering glinting off the back. 

Steed swooped down next to the bike and through various maneuvers indicated that Saber wanted the rider to stop. For a moment it seemed that the rider was going to speed up, but as Steed landed the motorcycle braked a bit and circled back. It made a wide circle around Saber and Steed, before it stopped shortly ahead of them. 

The rider kicked down the stand, and swung off the bike. As the rider turned to Saber he could see that is was a woman. 

'And what did you expect with a jacket that had _Stainless Steel Rose_ on the back of it, you bloody idiot?' Saber's mind kicked him. 

She was wearing an open black leather motorcycle jacket with the aforementioned moniker picked out in steel studs on the back, and what Saber assumed was black leather riding suit underneath. Whatever she was wearing underneath, it was just tight enough around the curves of her body to get his imagination going, although not so tight to be considered in poor taste. He wished the boots she wore were dainty, but they were practical, clunky, cycle-boots. His eyes were drawn back up as she removed her helmet (was it a trick of his eyes, or was there a faint silver design traced over that black helmet?). Her heart-shaped face was pale, but tinted with the faintest shade of pink. Her hair was black, and shiny and short, bobbed to the rounding of her jaw. The starlight played along her high cheekbones and straight nose. A set of clear silver-grey almond shaped eyes blinked under fine softly curved black eyebrows. She gave a faintly puzzled smile. (It was not his imagination this time, there was a shimmer of silver on the black lipstick...what was with this woman and black?) As she stepped forward, she removed her riding gloves revealing long slim fingers with long nails painted black with a small silver rose etched in the darkness. 

Saber wasn't certain how he could be making out details like that in the starlight, but then this woman seemed to be more real, more there, than any other woman he had ever met before. He took a step backwards. 

"Well, stone the damn crows," She said in astonishment, "you _can _see me." 

There was silence for a moment. 

"You can put your eyes back into your head now," she chuckled huskily, "I'm not here for you." 

Shaking himself, Saber finally found his voice again, "I'm sorry, what?" 

"Don't worry about it," the woman reassured him, "You're Richard Rider, right?" 

"Err, yes, yes I am, how did you...?" 

The little crinkle of skin between her eyebrows wrinkled, and her eyes widened a bit in surprise, "You mean, you don't know who..." she stopped, and continued smoothly, "I watch the news; you've been in the news a lot lately." 

Ah, he thought, that explains that, except how she knew his proper first name. Perhaps some reporter had dug it up, he dismissed. 

"I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, Miss?" 

"Sophia, Sophia Hagia," the woman said, "but I go by Stainless." 

There was more awkward silence. 

Saber finally remembered why he had tried to stop her, "Well, see here, Miss Hagia..." 

"Stainless, please." 

"Ah, Stainless, this is Cavalry Command testing grounds, and off-limits to civilians. It could be quite dangerous. I'm afraid I must ask you leave," Saber tried to sound authoritative, but failed miserably as he was distracted by the ripple on the skin of her throat as she began to laugh. 

"Off-limits? To me? You're too funny," Stainless was breathless for a few more moments. When she calmed down, she smiled again, "but for your peace of mind I'll leave," she turned to walk back to her bike. 

"Wait," Saber called out slightly more frantically than he wanted to sound, "Shall I see you again?" 

Stainless turned back, and walk towards him until there was only a half-foot between them, "You are a funny one, aren't you? Most men don't ever want to see me at all," she sighed, "but yes, you'll probably see more of me than you really will want to have." 

She leaned down, (how could he have missed that she was considerably _taller_ than himself?) and brushed a soft kiss on his cheek, whispering, "don't fall in love with me, kid. Bad things happen when people fall in love with me. Bad things happen _to_ people who fall in love with me." 

Stainless left him standing there, as she put her helmet back on, mounted her bike, and roared off into the night. 

Finally Saber Rider shivered like a man waking from a particularly strange dream, again. He found he had the sudden urge to return to the security of Ramrod. 

***** 

_And I lift my glass to the Awful Truth_   
_Which you can't reveal to the Ears of Youth_   
_Except to say it isn't worth a dime [8]_

The door to the Ramrod's bridge irised open and General Whitehawk stepped through. He paused, momentarily taken back by the change in Jesse's appearance; Jesse's hair was now shoulder-length with lines so sharp that it could have been cut with a level. Whitehawk approached the former Outrider commander fearlessly. A long moment they just stood, side by side, watching the sky. 

"Hhmm, why is it when Eagle-breath wants to talk at me he has the whole bloody Swiss Guard with him, but you seem to think I'm not dangerous even to rate a single body-guard? It's almost insulting." 

Whitehawk laughed slightly, "Commander Eagle has his reasons, and I have mine, Jesse." 

Jesse looked at Whitehawk from the corner of his eye, "Does this have something to do with Trista?" 

"Does it?" the General asked mildly. 

"Well, does it?" Jesse sounded less than please to have been answered with a question. He stared out at the night sky, although most of the stars had been blotted out by the base's and the nearby city's lights. He hated that. 

"Esperanza's a beautiful child. Very much like her mother," Whitehawk smiled, his eyes softening, "all the hope of the world in her. All the potential as well. I'm biased of course, but I'm certain she'll be the greatest of her generation. I can see that in her eyes." 

"I wouldn't know about that," Jesse replied tiredly, suddenly feeling very cold. Although his eyes still felt hot enough to be burning. Why the hell did he have to bring her up? 

Whitehawk was silent for a few short, eternal moments, "it was in her father's eyes as well." 

A fraction of second too late, Jesse snorted, "Bob never seemed to be the sharpest pencil in box to me." 

Whitehawk turned to look at him, "we both know I'm not talking   
about Bob." 

Jesse bit his lip, "leave me alone, Whitehawk." 

"As you wish, Jesse," Whitehawk nodded and walked to the door, "whether you believe it or not, not everyone believes you're the monster you claim to be. Some of us know better," The general walked through the doorway. 

"Whitehawk?" Jesse called out, "You and Trista, do you read Esperanza any books by," he paused, remembering the author's name, "Ben Aday?" 

"You the 'Danny and the...' books?" Whitehawk's lips quirked in to smile. 

"Yes." 

"No, for some reason Trista and I just could never bring ourselves to buy them." 

"Good." 

And the door slid shut behind a chuckling Whitehawk. 

Jesse watched the sky for a few more, uncomfortable, moments. 

"Dammit," he mumbled, and he left Ramrod's control center. He wondered the hallways until he came to Ramrod's galley. 

"Ah food, the second best thing to sex for comfort," he laughed somewhat bitterly to himself, and set about rummaging through the stores. 

A few moments later he was dubiously poking at a prepackage chocolate cake. He read the labeling on the package, his nose wrinkling in disgust. 

"It's a wonder they're not dead from this crap yet," he snorted in disdain, as he chucked the offending food product in to the garbage chute. "Well, it seems this is going to have to be the hard way," and he began to pull various ingredients out of the cupboards. 

Midway through adding the eggs, Jesse felt an arctic cold presence developed behind him. He halfway turned to look. 

"I had wondered where you had gotten to," he sneered, "screwing your widow in her dreams, right?" 

Fireball's face contorted in anger. 

"I call it as I see it," Jesse shrugged insouciantly, and returned to mixing his cake batter. He stopped for a moment as if hearing something, "You think I was crazy enough to trust those treacherous morons to cook for me? Anyway Outriders couldn't cook their way out of paper bag. Well, not human food anyway, and take it from me, Outrider cuisine leaves a lot to be desired." 

The spirit suddenly seemed to stand a little straighter and appear a bit more solid...and even more angry. 

"It was not my fault," Jesse growled, not liking the turn this communication was taking, "If I could have stopped Nemesis I would have." 

Fireball indicated that that to him, _that_ was just so much bull. 

"Fine, believe what you will," Jesse said sourly, "but just remember I haven't done anything to harm anyone so far." 

Jesse's back stiffened as he felt...something nasty, cold, ethereal stab through his spine. A sense of a deeply denied reality threaded itself through Jesse's being. A reminder of what had happened through out seven years. 

"You son of a bitch!" Jesse sputtered. He spun around, and lobbed a dollop of batter at the phantom, knowing full well it was only a futile gesture. 

Unfortunately, the galley's door opened at that precise moment. 

Time slowed down for a moment as the Star Sheriffs' commander stood there too shocked to wipe the chocolate goop off his face. Jesse couldn't force himself to move. Afraid that if he did, the gale of laughter building in his throat would escape. 

Saber Rider eventually reached up to touch the cake batter covering half his face. He hesitantly swiped up a small bit of it on a finger, and tasted it. 

"Quite tasty," Saber said dryly, "Any reason why I'm wearing it?" 

That did it, Jesse started laughing. After a moment Saber's facade cracked and he laughed as well. 

Only when they were both so breathless as to nearly collapsing their knees, did Jesse attempt to explain. Or rather fabricate an explanation. 

"The...door...the door...opening startle....startled me, and then the batter...your face!" Jesse almost dissolved back into giggles at the memory. 

"And the reason you're making chocolate cake at three in the morning?" Saber asked as he went to the sink to wash the batter off. 

"For breakfast." 

"Chocolate cake for breakfast?" 

"Can you think of a better time?" Jesse asked right back at him. 

"No, but we have chocolate cake all ready made," Saber said, as he dried his face with a dish towel. 

Jesse made a face, "you mean that prepackaged, lard frosted, preservative-filled, chemical brick that was in the freezer? 

"Thank you so much for that description," Saber gagged, "I'll never be able to look at Ramrod's stores the same way again." 

"As I said before, I call it as I see it," Jesse replied loudly as he resumed mixing the batter. 

Shaking himself, Saber yawned, "This has been the strangest night," he sat down in the chair by the door. 

"Whatever." 

For ten minutes all that was heard was the making of a chocolate cake. Saber began to doze. 

"Don't even think it," Jesse said sharply. 

There was a clatter as four metal bowls crashed to the floor. 

Saber was up and looking around for someone to shoot. Jesse looked both annoyed and startled as he held up his hands to show they were empty. 

"What was that?" Saber demanded. 

"What does it look like? I...accidentally knocked over some bowls," Jesse seemed to be eyeing the offending bowls with a great deal of suspicion. 

"Ah," Saber yawn again and stretched, "I guess I'll go see if I can catch any sleep." 

"Fine." 

"Err, I don't suppose...?" 

"You want cake, don't you?" Jesse glared evilly at him as if he were asking for the moon. 

"Never mind," Saber quickly said, and left the galley. 

Jesse smirked to himself. 

However, later that morning Saber found a container in the refrigerator, labeled "Tin Star sr." containing some of the best chocolate cake (after scraping off the prickly pear jam glazing it) he had ever tasted. 

***** 

_Bring my bow_   
_Fill my head with flame, and we must_   
_Let them know that the torch is lit again_   
_Crystalize the pain behind your eyes_   
_Are you ready to fight? [9]_

The next few days were almost boring. There was a sense of urgency, but the repairs to Ramrod could only be rushed so fast. No wanted a malfunction mid-battle, not with the stakes being what they were. 

Commander Eagle did not attempt to speak directly Jesse since the "towel incident" as it had gotten dubbed on the base. He either worked around Jesse in meeting where Jesse was present, asking Saber to ask Jesse to get the information, or ignored him completely. Jesse, for his part, was more than glad to not have to deal the Commander. 

Jesse was spending more time in his quarters than anywhere else. However, avoiding people seemed also to have become a sport to him. Too many times some poor cavalry officer had been sent to get him for a meeting, only to reach empty quarters. He took a perverse delight in leading whoever it was on a merry chase through Ramrod, and always, always had plausible explanation for his actions. 

April divided her waking hours equally between Ramrod and her son, while Colt took every chance he had to spend time with his wife and daughters. Debbie evidently had boyfriend stashed somewhere, because the deeply contented look she would come back with whenever she left the base made a few people envious. 

And when the skies over Yuma were darkened by the renegade unit, Kiilakru, everything came to a terrified stand still. 

*****   
_Dreams of war_   
_Dreams of liars_   
_Dreams of dragon's fire_   
_And of things that will bite. [10]_

The Kiilakru resembled a cross between an up-right medieval European dragon and jaguar. Sleek, blackish green, scaled, it was armed to the teeth with conventional weaponry and the more organic fangs and claws. And it just floated there in the sky. Waiting. 

The sheriffs scrambled to take off, barely waiting for the remaining repair crew to skitter away from the equalizer unit. 

"April, how had the repairs progressed?' Saber asked urgently as he settled into his saddle unit, and began scanning his systems. 

"We were almost done," April was running her own systems check, "what was left was predominantly cosmetic." 

"You're going to want to get up to speed immediately, and put all other power to the forward shields." Jesse was going a mile a minute, "We're going to have to ram that son of bitch and keeping going until we're out of the atmosphere." 

"Why?" was all Debbie wanted to know as Ramrod lifted off. 

"Because we don't want that thing to drop a probable payload of enough radiation and bio-toxins to kill this planet in less then five minutes," Jesse explained without a trace of his normal disdain. 

The sheriffs remained silent except for their feverish work. Ramrod reached full power, and Debbie brought it round in one wide circle to build up velocity. 

"Hang on everyone!" she called as she aimed Ramrod's bow at the Killakru's mid-section. The impact shook Ramrod stem to stern, but the equalizer unit kept going, pushing the Kiilakru with all its power. 

All Jesse could think of was, 'not again,' as he did his best to remain somewhat up-right. 'When this is over, I'm going to have a long discussion about passengers in the control center.' 

"Firing forward plasma cannons," Colt called out. 

With a volley of blinding intensity the Kiilakru was propelled through the last layers of Yuma's atmosphere, and, April noted with some pride, past the planet's small second moon. Ramrod followed, closing the gap between them. There was no way this side of hell the star sheriffs were going to let that monster of a renegade near Yuma again. 

"We're going to have to going to challenge phase. April?" Saber spared a glance to see if she had any reason why they shouldn't. 

"Ready to go, Top Sword," She answered. 

"Jesse, you're going to have to..." 

"I know, I know," Jesse whined irritably, "stay close to you while this thing transforms." 

"Initiating challenge phase." 

The control center changed, twisting, spinning, rising, just as Ramrod's exterior was shifting form. It was rather like being on a militaristic merry-go-round. And, if you weren't actually in one of the saddle units, inspired motion sickness. Well, maybe it wouldn't have if Ramrod hadn't needed to make lurching dodge to escape a flare of plasma mid-transformation. 

"Kiilakru have three weak points: the joint between tail and the torso; if it loses its tail, it loses its toxic goop; the 'eyes,' and underneath the 'chin.'" Jesse recited as if he were reading a manual, "The problem in the damn thing is so fast and flexible that getting a direct shot in any of those places is difficult at best." 

"You sure..." there was pause as an offensive maneuver caused the Kiilakru to back-flip to avoid a laser blast to its eyes, "you sure know a lot about this critter," Colt wondered aloud, rather pointedly. 

"I should, I came up with the basic design eight years ago," Jesse kept his eyes on the main screen, "Nemesis has probably added his own tricks." 

"Wonderful," was all April said with a rolls her eyes. 

Jesse found himself once again losing his balance and falling to the deck. 

'Maybe I should change my name to Jesse Black & Blue,' he sourly thought. Jesse pulled himself up on his knees. He put a hand down to stabilize himself when another blast rocked the equalizer unit. He pulled it up like it was burnt, 'what the hell?' 

His eyes grew wider as he watched the tiny bumps on the deck go flowing along like waves. Head tilted, he saw them heading for command center's core computer. 

"Dorratus," he breathed. 

'That's why Nemesis called off the last attack,' he thought wildly as he got to his feet, 'when that Ghidoraus collided with us, it was delivering a load of those little buggers,' he managed to stagger over to the core, 'destroy the leader, the rest will deactivate, I hope. Unless Nemesis changed their programming as well,' Jesse pulled open repair access panel, 'if this isn't a case of deja effing vu, I don't know what is. Need to crush the little monsters.' 

Dorratus were tiny golden, spiderlike mechanoids designed to attack a target from within by scrambling its systems. This swarm had hidden itself deep within Ramrod's inner workings, and obviously had been waiting for the sheriffs to rush into battle. 

'Cripple Ramrod, then force the sheriffs to watch Yuma being destroyed, then destroy them,' Jesse reasoned as he waited to feel the clicking of mechanical little legs, 'sounds like something Nemesis would plan. Sounds like something I would plan...' he frowned, unsettled, 'did I plan it? Maybe I should tell the tinstars about this?" for the first time he really noticed he had his hand stuck in Ramrod's computer system, "What the fuck am I doing?' 

Then he felt it. The mandibles of a hundred tiny arachnid machines sinking into his hand. Jesse gave a yell. 

"What in tarnation are you doing? Top Sword, he sabotaging us!" Colt yelled, distracted from his shot, as he halfway got out of his saddle unit. 

"Get out of your saddle units! Get out _now_!" He pulled his hand out from the computer. It was covered with Dorratus and a slick, black iridescence; Jesse began screeching like a banshee, "get out!" 

Colt left his unit, to try and tackle Jesse. And missed as Debbie pulled Ramrod up to avoid being tackled by the Kiilakru. 

"I thought he was the one who thought being splattered across a moon was a bad idea," she muttered. 

Saber immediately got out of his saddle unit, torn between helping Colt and following Jesse's panicked demand. 

April's shriek as she was shoved out of her unit by apparently thin air went unnoticed, because a second later it happened. 

*****   
_There comes a time._   
_There's a place,_   
_a change of heart._   
_An about face..._   
_Amnesty is granted. [11]_

When it was over, an eerie, almost numinous silence stifled Ramrod's bridge. The sheriffs' breathing was muffled y their armour, and Jesse's seemed to have cease all together. Thin silent crackles skittered over all the surfaces, before even they died out and left the control center in darkness. 

"nnn...never again," someone moaned, "never again. s'not worth it." 

Jesse made an effort to sit up, but gave up after the floor reach up and pulled him back down hard. 

'What just hit me?' he wondered as pretty little sparklies swirled before his eyes, then he remembered to open them, 'Ah! Pitch black darkness, always a good sign,' he thought glumly. 

Ramrod's back-ups chose that moment to turn on the emergency lights, lending the bridge a murky greenish hue. 

Jesse again tried to sit up, succeeding this time. 

"Oh shit," he murmured rancorously, finally remembering the event of the past few minutes. 

A few seconds later, a stench assailed his nose, and he looked around. None of the sheriffs were conscious, so far as he could tell anyway. And one... 

Jesse controlled the bile rising in his throat, as he looked at the piloting saddle unit. 

'Well, she's crispy critters,' he thought, turning away. He pushed away the useless rise of sudden sorrow, and got to his feet. 

The Kiilakru was drifting across the screen. 

Unaccountably, Jesse found tears in his eyes. Somehow, whatever the Dorratus had done to Ramrod, it must have triggered Ramrod's weapon's systems. Somehow, when they went off, the blast had hit the Kiilakru's thick tail, vaporizing it; destroying the storage place of its toxic weaponry. At the very least, they had spared Yuma that. 

The Kiilakru gave shiver and powered up again. It looked towards Ramrod, and Jesse would have sworn on his own grave that it sneered. The Kiilakru turned towards Yuma. 

Jesse prodded Colt with his boot. 

'They're down for the count,' Jesse hesitantly touched Colt's saddle unit. Nothing happened, so he sat down in it and he began to run through the systems, 'okay, let's see what I can do. Life-support systems ninety percent, navigational systems forty percent, weapons systems seventy percent, but the controls look a little roasted, communication systems...' 

The communication system blared to life. 

Commander Eagle was demanding status reports. 

"We don't have time that now, Eagle," Jesse muttered just loud enough so it would be heard. 

"Blue?!? What are you doing? Where are the sheriffs? Where's my daughter? What's..." Eagle kept up a steady stream of questions peppered with insults. 

Jesse mostly ignored Eagle as he feverishly began to try and redirect systems to optimize what abilities Ramrod had left. Nerves fraying, he finally snapped out: 

"I don't know what weasel flew up your butt, Eagle, but if you don't stop yammering at me you're gonna be down one equalizer unit, and get Yuma blown to hell too. Now SHUT UP! Blue out." 

Jesse grinned as he flipped switch, and watched as two missiles launched from Ramrod. They didn't do much damage, but they got the Kiilakru's attention. 

"That's right, ugly, you're not done with me yet," he smiled wolfishly. It felt like he was trying to guide a blind hippo through molasses in midwinter, but just being back at the controls made him feel more himself. Even the familiar chill radiating from where April lay on the deck, he simply ignored it. 

'Have to give April her due, this junk-pile is still holding its own,' he absently thought. 

Without its balancing tail the Kiilakru's flight was clumsy, albeit still faster than Ramrod's own flight abilities. The two mechanical giants stumbled more into lucky hits, than planned attacks. Jesse was having the time of his life. 

Ramrod's communication system crackled back to life. 

Jesse spat, and yelled, "Not now, Eagle." 

It was not Eagle's voice that spoke. It was a familiar voice, corrupted, cold, venomous, with echoing mechanical undertones. It ran razor blades over his nerves, and made his blood run cold. A vile, seductive voice whispering complimenting insults. Jesse fought with himself to remember to breath, to prevent himself from losing the contents of his stomach. It would be so easy to listen, to believe, to turn back. It was turning him inside out. 

Blindly, he began smashing a fist down on the communication panel; it shattered into tiny pieces, silencing Nemesis. Blood flowed freely from his hand for a moment, then stopped. He stared sightlessly at the controls, watching with distant interest as the control console in front of him sizzled, smoked slightly. Jesse seemed almost boneless as he slumped forward, there was nothing he could do. It was inevitable. Time to give in. 

_"Are you okay, mister?"_

Jesse took in a sudden breath and sat up straight. His eyes snapped to the screen. The Kiilakru was beginning to turn away from the drifting Ramrod. His hands shook, as he piloted the increasingly sluggish vessel. Jesse tried to fire Ramrod's cannons one-handedly, only to have sparks bite at his fingers. 

'I need to bypass that system, put all the power we have into weapons,' he thought despairingly, 'I can't dammit. If I let go of these flight controls to do it, I'll lose what little response I'm getting.' 

There was certain increase in the intensity of the localized chill. 

'He's looking at me,' Jesse looked over at the spirit of Fireball. He was a fraction of a second too late; Fireball had redirected his attention back at his widow. But Jesse knew what his face must have been like -- angry, resentful and unforgiving. 

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? If I could have done something I would have," evidently that wasn't enough to get the shade's attention, "April's gonna _die_ now, if you don't help me," something insidious inside was raging to be let out, "dammit, I tried, I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. And I'm afraid I'm not strong enough now," Jesse managed through gritted teeth has he felt the heat from the damaged weapon controls begin to burn his hands, "I'm afraid." 

Fireball looked up from April, a sad smile quirking his lips. He nodded, and faded away. 

"Dammit," Jesse nearly cried from frustration and fear. Then he felt something jerk the flight controls from him, holding them steady. He sighed in relief, "twenty seconds, that's all I ask." 

The bypass was done with two seconds to spare. 

'This is it then. Maverick firing system powering up. Now or never.' 

One blast erupted from Ramrod, and then all but life-support went dead. 

It was enough. 

It took the Kiilakru's head off. 

There was a chorus of groans heard on Ramrod's bridge. 

"What just happened?" Colt muttered as he sat up. Saber and April were recovering consciousness more slowly 

"We stopped it," Jesse said wearily, "We won this one...I think I'm going to pass out now...." 

*****   
_It's so simple right before your eyes_   
_If you'll look through this disguise_   
_It's always here, it's always there_   
_It's just love_   
_ and miracles out of nowhere [12]_   
*****

To Be Continued.   


End Notes:   
I'm still ending them abruptly, ne? ^_^ 

Quotes Sources:   
[1] From **_The Master and Margarita_** By Mikhail Bulgakov; Translated by Mirra Ginsburg   
[2] Excerpt from "_A Friend Is A Friend_" By Peter Townsend.   
[3] Excerpt from **_Guards! Guards!_** By Terry Pratchett   
[4] Excerpt from "_Ultraviolet (Light My Way)_" By Bono   
[5]Excerpt From "_Wasurenaide_" (Don't Forget) By Aran Tomoko   
Translated by Michael House & Shin Kurokawa   
[6] Excerpts from "_Crazy Train_" By Ozzy Osbourne   
[7] Excerpt From "_Back on Earth_" by Taylore Rhodes & Richie Supa   
[8] Excerpt From "_Closing Time_" By Leonard Cohen   
[9] Excerpt from "_A Call To Arms_" By Michael Rutherford & Christopher Neil.   
[10] Excerpt from "_Enter Sandman_" by J. Hetfield, L. Ulrich, & K. Hammett   
[11] Excerpt from "_Amnesty Is Granted_" by Sammy Hagar.   
[12] Excerpt from "_Miracles Out Of Nowhere_" By K. Livgren   
  



End file.
